Undiagnosed - in need of advice please

Hello,

I've just joined the NAS forum, so please go gently with me!

I think I have Asperger's Syndrome - if fact, I'm certain of it. 

I have had feelings of alienation, anxiety, depression and dissociation since my early days at primary school. As a result of social incompetence, I was bullied all the way through school (some of it physical, but mostly social and psychological). As I progressed into teenage years, my moods became more chaotic and I socially withdrew from people.

I seem to display classical traits of Asperger's

1) It's difficult to socialise with people. I am good at one to one interactions, but cannot socialise in crowds, even with people I know well. I would genuinely love to go to work do's, but I know that I will be wasting my time and money, only to go home feeling sorry for myself. I cannot handle anything that involves artificial social set-ups. If fact, I dread going on work courses and will often end up standing aside, arms folded, saying to the lecturer "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it!"

2) I tend to have strong obsessions, although over the years I have learned to regulate this tendency. As a young child, I was obsessed with pylons and trains to a disruptive degree. I have also become obsessed with certain members of bands or actors to the point where my daily routine and spending habits have been based on finding out everything about them.

3) I have never had an intimate or sexual relationship. I certainly desire this, but what's the procedure?! What's the process?! Do I go to a woman and "ask her out?" To me, it feels like a social nightmare! 

4) I have a string of abandoned jobs and university courses. There's nothing wrong with my work ethic; I currently work as a Nursing Assistant in general surgery and absolutely love the job, but I get overwhelmed and threatened by new situations that involve financial insecurity, social risk and performing for other people.

5) I have a pathological need to know my place and role at all times: at work, if someone disrupts my routine or equipment doesn't work correctly, I get annoyed to the point of giving senior staff short-shrift or telling the other person to do it themselves. The world is unpredictable, but I need to have my own thoughts and routines in order to compensate for the imperfections and unreliability of the real world.

6) I have very chronic depression and anxiety. I sometimes have pseudo-hallucinations which are probably a reaction to anxiety.

7) I can get overloaded with too much information or environmental stumuli: I know most people experience this, but my reaction can be to either withdraw, lash out or suppress anger. 

8) Over the years, a specific personality change has taken place: as a young adult, I was very shy and timid, and would be grateful to anyone who showed an interest in me. Over the past couple of years, I have decided to be more direct with people and cut off people who I think are trying to screw me over. 

In the past, I have seen hospitalised, sometimes under a Section. Eight years ago I had an Autism Assessment in Oxford and was told I don't have Asperger's. The assessment was not done properly: it lasted barely an hour and the questions were vague and, at one point, I was asked to read from story book so they could assess my verbal skills (?!?) I probably don't fit into the common stereotypes of ASD that most psychiatrists subscribe to: this is because I have had to deal with my social and emotional problems in my own way. 

I currently do a job I love (with people I absolutely love), but have had to take excessive time off due to mental health problems. A diagnosis would open the door to social support and support regarding my workplace.

Sorry to ramble on about myself, but how do I go about getting a proper assessment and diagnosis? Ideally, this would take place outside my geographical area, because I have found the psychiatric services in Oxford to be incompetent and insulting towards me. I have a feeling that I may end up having to get a private assessment.

Thank you for any advice.

Colin