Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I got diagnosed 7months ago, just before my 28th birthday. Ever since people have been telling me that all my social issues will be solved by going on forums and finding people who share my interests, but the problem is I don't really have any. I like things but not so intently that a person's negative opinion about them wouldn't make me consider dropping that interest. And I don't know lots about stuff I like. I like movies but like I've never seen most of the big ones people seem to always want to talk about. I remember when I heard my friends watched Community I was like "Oooh I've seen that!!" And then they made all these references I didn't get and I started to wonder if I'd missed half the show.
So yeah, here's me trying to join a community forum when I don't even know what I want to talk about with you
Whilst I have many areas of interest, I would argue that I’m not hugely knowledgeable in the areas and therefore I question if they are special interests. My memory doesn’t allow me to retain any factual information. Well it’s probably not retention that is the issue, but rather I just can’t access the information when it’s needed e.g. when having a conversation about my interest. I like rocks and minerals, small objects, and wood. It’s quite hard to explain to people why, as it’s not really the information or facts linked to these things that I like, it’s just that each of these things are interesting to look at and experience. I have collected examples of these things since childhood. Sometimes when speaking to someone about an interest I feel a bit like an imposter if I can’t recall information and I start to question how into the thing I actually am. I begin to question whether it is an interest at all. Without revision I can’t talk at length about factual information and so doubts start to creep in. But then I remember a comment I overheard once along the lines of ‘hobbies and interests are supposed to be fun, not a test’. I think of this and then reflect on the enjoyment I get out of my interests in the way that I personally enjoy them and how I can lose huge lengths of time to them and my worries start to ease. Just because I cannot recall information as an expert would does not mean that I don’t enjoy those things. The time I spend on them is for me and therefore it is time well spent. But as to having special interests as such, I don’t know if I do. I think I’ve potentially rambled and also maybe missed the point of this thread, so apologies if that is the case, but this series of thoughts just occurred to me and I ended up typing them.
I really enjoy reading your threads because I can relate to them.
Oakling said:Sometimes when speaking to someone about an interest I feel a bit like an imposter if I can’t recall information and I start to question how into the thing I actually am. I begin to question whether it is an interest at all. Without revision I can’t talk at length about factual information and so doubts start to creep in.
Yes and I think "neurotypical people" I have found sometimes like to blag their way through so they try to come across as knowing more than they actually do. It's a social thing maybe. I think for autistic people it's more about the knowledge and the facts. The course I did on future learn about Gravity was one of the best things I have ever done in my life but I would not be able to explain back (which might show how much did I actually learn. ...) but it was there in my head so much so that I got a question right on university challenge because of it (altho I had to dig deep into my brain). I celebrated by getting a piggy back off my partner around the flat.
As an aside, I think some people place too much emphasis on intellect like it should define who they are and they feel in competition with each other. You hit the nail on the head when you say interests are for yourself and no one else. I think for autistic people they are a way to unwind and find control in an uncertain world.
Lastly there are times when I've had nothing to sink my teeth into and have felt a bit lost.
Sporadic Sparkly said:competition with each other.
while they should compete with themselves
out_of_step said:I think "neurotypical people" I have found sometimes like to blag their way through
They do. I think some do it to make it seem that they are somehow superior, or because they feel it will help them get further in life.
out_of_step said: I think some people place too much emphasis on intellect like it should define who they are and they feel in competition with each other.
I agree.
Ah thank you for your reply- it’s nice to find a community where I can speak as I’d like to and know that others will understand and be able to relate, or at least, not judge negatively because of difference.
I do agree with you comment about people potentially needing to appear more knowledgeable in order impress or convince others of their enjoyment of a thing. An instance I can remember is of two friends I used to have trying to one up each other about their knowledge of a band to almost prove who liked the band more. I initially tried to join in as I also enjoyed some of the music, but then saw what was really happening so took a backseat. It seemed like a stressful situation to be in, proving your interest and competing like that. It then came to me that there should not be winners and losers in a hobby, rather there should just be like minded people sharing and interest in something. Perhaps this is something that they personally found difficult, but then again I think I can think of many more instances of seeing this type of behaviour so perhaps it is wider than that.
It’s great to hear of your university challenge success- if that isn’t cause for celebration I don’t know what is! It must have been great to recall that information and to know exactly where that knowledge came from. I enjoy hearing of when things like this happen. I was in an escape room once and it was themed around Ancient Egypt, I was able to solve part of the puzzle without many of the needed clues due to some prior study I’d done on the ancient belief of the afterlife. My friends were happy with the knowledge I had shared, but we’re perhaps less interested (but in a very friendly way) in hearing about when/where/how I’d learned what I knew. What that information was though, I could no longer tell you as I have forgotten it!
I can also entirely relate to the feeling of being lost that you describe when not having something to focus on. It’s nice to be learning and focusing just for the fun of it and purely for yourself.