Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I got diagnosed 7months ago, just before my 28th birthday. Ever since people have been telling me that all my social issues will be solved by going on forums and finding people who share my interests, but the problem is I don't really have any. I like things but not so intently that a person's negative opinion about them wouldn't make me consider dropping that interest. And I don't know lots about stuff I like. I like movies but like I've never seen most of the big ones people seem to always want to talk about. I remember when I heard my friends watched Community I was like "Oooh I've seen that!!" And then they made all these references I didn't get and I started to wonder if I'd missed half the show.
So yeah, here's me trying to join a community forum when I don't even know what I want to talk about with you
Feeling like my head was in a fog most of my 20s, I sympathise.
There is a technique to discovering what you might secretly be good at and what you might be passionate about and they may not be the exact same things. Within both of these things are big areas which might incorporate things we're not good at but it wouldn't hurt to better ourselves in and there might even be another circle of things one just enjoys or can wind down with.
Not everyone will become specialised. But we need to take time just for ourselves. Selfish time we protect from others to be able to explore. This could mean signing up for a range of workshops: glass blowing, electronics, wood working, gardening, cooking, etc. These would all be things to try and see if they spark interest. Another exploration would be a day at the library. Once a week. And just peel though shelves. You won't ever be introduced to this range of ideas online, as algorithms can be limiting and might not allow us to see something we'd never have thought of. Just some ideas! Mid 30's I realised I had always loved a few things I was discouraged from learning. I've recently decided in my late 40's I'll probably go to uni finally and get a degree in them :)
Thanks for the advice Juniper. I have a bit of a fear about trying new things, like literally gives me anxiety because I might not enjoy it and I want so badly too, so looking through stuff at the library might be easier for me. Thank you
It's actually natural to feel this anxiety / fear. New things can be daunting. But I've learned to close my eyes, hold my breath and just dive in. (really I look like a mime at the very shallow end hesitantly dipping my toes in the shallow end, but at least we're experiencing the water and I'll have a full report in about a year of trials). But deep down I'm quite scientific. I'd rather know than not and work out a well-thought through conclusion with a posteriori evidence as to why or why not. So, that requires engagement.
But regardless of what or how you explore, make a point to. Even if it's something as a new coffee once a week. It can be small or it can be fierce. It is the element of engagement and 'play' which matters most.