Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm struggling again so much. I thought I was getting better and becoming more accepting of myself but my word I've come down with a crash and I can't stop crying. I constantly wish I wasn't here and that my family would be better off without me. I feel like such a burden.
I'll bet your family don't see you as a burden MrsG, they'll see you as the loving Mum who did so much for them when they were growing up. And now they have the chance to return some of that love, and help you while you're feeling down. Think of all the good times you had in the past, and try not to dwell on the present. You'll get through it.
Thank you so much for your reply. Just getting through each day is such a struggle. I'm trying to concentrate on just getting through the next 5 minutes. I'm just crying all of the time. I hate who I am and the way I struggle with everyday things that others find so easy.
This is how I am at the moment. I’ve never cried so frequently in my life. It’s not ‘normal’ crying either - it’s really visceral and comes from a very deep place inside me. It’s as a result of trauma from physical illness that I experienced last year. I’m am sorry Mrs G that you are struggling with this too. Do you know what’s causing your distress? I’m here for you if you want to talk. x
I agree Mrs G. ‘remind ourselves that it’s ok to not be ok’ - I felt a bit tearful reading those words. I think I need to try to accept that at the moment I feel awful and there are good reasons for that - there are causes behind why I feel the way I do - and in the main they are not my fault. I need to accept that and give myself time - and hopefully things will improve eventually. People on here understand - and we are not alone. There is great support on here and really good advice too - better than I got from my GP to be honest! We’ll get through it won’t we? We won’t always feel this way.
Hear, hear.
Yes that's exactly me too. Even had to go into the toilets at work to have a cry. I think we both need to try to remember to be kind to ourselves and remind ourselves that it's ok to not be ok.
Thank you x. I feel the same - the most ordinary activities feel very difficult for me at the moment and it feels like an achievement for me too if I do even small things because everything feels ovwhelming at the moment. I’m exhausted from all the anxiety I’ve been experiencing. It’s a vicious circle because the more tired i get the less able I am to do the things that would probably help me let getting involved in things and going out more. So any positive action really matters - however small. So I know how you feel I think - because I’m experiencing something very similar. Hope you’re ok today
Thank you so very much. Your response really means a lot to me. It's just so very reassuring to know that I'm not alone. You are completely right how difficult just facing the day is and then the guilt that comes with that. I'm trying to learn to just congratulate myself for the smallest of things - such as ironing - which I know seems pathetic but these little things just feel like such a struggle to me at the minute. Please know that I am always here for you too.
Thank you. I tell myself everyday to be kinder to myself but it's just so hard. I would never be unkind to others but Gosh I'm unkind to myself.
I also struggled for decades with depression and those kinds of low self-esteem thoughts ("I'm useless, weird etc."). Masking definitely has a psychological cost too. Getting my autism diagnosis last year helped A LOT in changing my self-perception. I still have low self-esteem, but I'm more aware that there is a reason I can't cope with things other people find easy and more forgiving of myself. You shouldn't feel guilty for how you are. Please try to be kind to yourself!