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Newly diagnosed ASD at 49yrs old

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Hi,

I was diagnosed as autistic 2 days ago at the grand old age of 49.  I live alone in London, I have a fairly decent job in the NHS which i have managed to keep despite having a lot of time off in the past with mental health related issues and i used to do a fair amount of drinking and drugs to alter my mood and make me more sociable. It didnt really work but I thought it did. i gave it all up entirely a few years ago.

I only have one friend nowadays in London that i see every couple of weeks for a couple of hours as I dont really like socialising even with people i love.

I have only really done the minimal research on autism and despite suspecting for a while that my problems may have a neurological component, my diagnosis was still a shock. I still dont really know what it means for me and how to move forward with my life. I expect ill start with being a little easier on myself when i dont act as I think i should.

Im excited to get to know myself a bit better to be honest and I know that I am lucky to have a job and live an independent albeit solitary life.

I am wondering how to tell my boss at work or even if I should, the NHS has lots of support which i feel would be silly of me to ignore. 

Does anyone else have experience of telling their boss or colleagues they are autistic? I am worried they arent going to believe me to be honest and I dont really know how they will react. 

I dont know any other autistic people at all so I thought I would drop in and say hi and hover about the forums.

Hope you are all well

J

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  • Hi J,

    I too was diagnosed at 49 and so much of what you say reflects how I felt too, which is quite comforting to be honest, so thank you. I even work for the NHS as well.

    I'm now 2 years down the line. When I was diagnosed I went through a crisis of confidence and questioned everything that I was and believed in. I think that I'm coming out of that now and have just joined this community today (on the advice of my counsellor). Be kind to yourself and be aware that you might struggle in a similar way. It really is a lot to take on board, even if you're expecting it.

    I told my boss by email and got a 'let me know if you need any support' email back which was unhelpful and dismissive (to my mind). I accessed counselling through the wellbeing service at work (I work for NHS Wales so resources might be a bit different). My counsellor is great and has two autistic children, so has insight. We meet every few weeks via video conference.

    I'd have quite happily told everyone about my diagnosis but some people can be a bit sniffy about it. It reminds me of when my sister died; I think some people don't know what to do with the information. I've also had people say 'but you come across as normal, so what's the problem?' which is totally missing the point: it takes hug effort to appear normal. I found that attitudes could be very dismissive, which left me feeling even more isolated. I think that if I went back I'd only share my diagnosis if needed, with the colleagues that I worked closely with. 

    Good luck and I hope that you find a way forward. Remember, you are not wrong, just different.

  • in reply to Tish

    Thank you Tish that is such a coincidence us both diagnosed at 49 and in the NHS!

    I am still pre-processing the diagnosis to be honest, I cant really move forward until I truly believe it if that makes sense, it makes perfect sense to me now that ASD is the missing piece of the puzzle, but I still find part of me doubting myself. I am hyper-aware at the moment of all my behaviours, for example i missed the bus earlier and I got ridiculously aggravated by that situation as my plan to get home was now ruined and i hadnt planned for it and my phone was out of battery so i just had to stand there like a statue. Now I am like "is that autism? is this why i am so agitated about a bus?" I dont know.

    I am going to wait for a bit to tell my work i think. I still havent told my mother or my two close friends. What you said about people not really believing you is something im scared of i think. or not scared but its a conversation im not sure how to have.

    Im sorry to hear about your dismissive response from your boss. That sounds like someone who hasnt got a clue what to do but instead of asking you is pushing the issue away due to fear of the unknown. I hope things resolve to your satisfaction.

    Such a strange experience so far, its a bit like finding out you are adopted or something i feel out of sorts but nothing has changed.

    Anyway, rambling sorry, thank you for your kind words and good luck to you as well.

Reply
  • in reply to Tish

    Thank you Tish that is such a coincidence us both diagnosed at 49 and in the NHS!

    I am still pre-processing the diagnosis to be honest, I cant really move forward until I truly believe it if that makes sense, it makes perfect sense to me now that ASD is the missing piece of the puzzle, but I still find part of me doubting myself. I am hyper-aware at the moment of all my behaviours, for example i missed the bus earlier and I got ridiculously aggravated by that situation as my plan to get home was now ruined and i hadnt planned for it and my phone was out of battery so i just had to stand there like a statue. Now I am like "is that autism? is this why i am so agitated about a bus?" I dont know.

    I am going to wait for a bit to tell my work i think. I still havent told my mother or my two close friends. What you said about people not really believing you is something im scared of i think. or not scared but its a conversation im not sure how to have.

    Im sorry to hear about your dismissive response from your boss. That sounds like someone who hasnt got a clue what to do but instead of asking you is pushing the issue away due to fear of the unknown. I hope things resolve to your satisfaction.

    Such a strange experience so far, its a bit like finding out you are adopted or something i feel out of sorts but nothing has changed.

    Anyway, rambling sorry, thank you for your kind words and good luck to you as well.

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