Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there, I joined a few weeks ago, but haven't been able to formulate a post until now. Forgive me if it's not in the right place
I've recently come to realise at the age of 56 that that I am probably autistic. This realisation comes with a sense of relief as I have always been different to others and couldnt understand why, yet has also come as a bit of a surprise as I thought I would have realised earlier.My grandson may be autistic, so I had been looking up some information. When I did the online AQ test by Simon Baron Cohen, I scored 42 out of 50.(the threshold is 26) I did it again a few months later and scored 46. I then proceeded to do other tests which also showed i am probably autistic.
My obvious traits include stimming: I used to jump on the spot for up to 20 minutes at a time, right up and into my 40s. Also hand flapping and ringing which I still do when I'm alone.Then there's sensory issues, I can't bear loud noises, sudden noises. People eating crisps near me actually makes me agitated and tearful. My hearing is very acuteMy sense of smell is also acute, since I was a child, cigarette smoke has made me vomit, I have a phobia about them.I cant bear to touch certain fabrics, some days I struggle to find anything comfortable to wear, so tend to wear the same clothes for years. I cant touch old books or cardboard.
I don't like being in Social situations, the thought of going back to my huge call centre is terrifying me. I had adapted well to working from home over the last two years, as there is nobody talking next to me, no bright lights or other upsetting stimuli.
I passed my driving test when i was 23, but hate driving and haven't done so for years I find it too confusing and overwhelming.
Despite masking much of my life, I have never understood things like fashion and an "in crowd" never had a really close friend, absolutely hate change of any kind unless I'm the one who instigates it, I have meltdowns if I feel I'm not being understood or something upsetting has happened outside if my control. Hence, I have severe anxiety which I have never discussed with my GP. I only visit when I have something causing physical pain, as I feel appointments are only for those who need them, and I don't need one.. do I ?
My husband bears witness to all this, and my mum remembers me being a lonely outsider and the jumping and hand flapping.
However, due to my extreme anxiety I am reluctant to make a GP appointment and discuss referral in case I am not believed. That would make my anxiety worse
I just simply cannot commit to making the first step towards possible diagnosis, I feel so overwhelmed by everything. I'm exhausted. and i have probably forgotten to mention many other things too.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Hi and welcome, I’m 54 and only realised that I am autistic last year. It is a shock and an answer, I couldn’t see how I had missed something that obvious for so long. I did finally summon up the courage to contact my gp. I used the nhs app. I had to wait a couple of weeks but I got a face to face, the option is available through the app, I can also message directly to the gp. I made some notes as I knew I would seize. I let him know how much it had taken for me to see him and don’t like zoom calls. He said you come here roughy every six years.
I blurted out about 50 years of my life in about 10 mins, he looked up from typing and said,” I think you need an autism assessment.” I have said this before but I sat in the car and cried, I’m believed by a professional and am not bad or crazy. You are most probably having imposter syndrome moments as well, most of us do. Can you imagine school noticing anything in the 1970’s.
Good luck with your journey.
Hi there.I wish we had the same app options in Scotland. I emailed the surgery and was told to call and book an appointment. So that might take a while before I can face that. They don't let you book appointments in advance, just a mad scramble at 8am to get a same day appointment. I have written things down, but it's definitely something I am not looking forward to.
Hi
I self diagnosed and at the age of 60 didn’t feel the need or want to put myself through the hassle and anxiety. My wife also did the test but put in what (after 18 years of marriage) answers she thought I would put. She knows me so well we came out with the same score for me which for us is confirmation enough.
We have both read a lot on the subject since this, we read and share to help our path forward as hopefully the next 18 years will ne even better now we know the issue I have.
good luck with your journey, happy to help if I can
Andrew