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Not diagnosed yet. Parent here

NAS77247

My son is almost 11 and has always "hated" school. He had ELSA sessions in year 2. Covid hit in year 4 and we now find ourselves in year 6 with every day being a mission to get to school.

He has had 10 sessions of support from the MH support team and is on the waiting list for CAMHS. 3 year wait left. He has also had an Ed psych assessment which agrees that he masks at school which then explodes at home. He is more than likely neurodiverse too.

I am mainly looking for support as I know there are no answers. 

Tonight he sobbed for over two hours begging me never to send him to school again. Once calm he said he doesn't know why he hates school.

He has a stress ball. Emoji cards. Ear defenders and a quiet space at school (he doesn't use the quiet space as it's a chair in the corridor and he says he feels he can't get up and leave the classroom and feels everyone will look and judge him in the corridor). He also arrives 10 Mins late and comes home 10 mins early each day.

I have agreed that he can go in later tomorrow and I have spoken with his teaching assistant tonight.

Although he has said he doesn't know why, a lot has happened in this last week. His teacher has been off sick so he's had different teachers. His trumpet lesson was cancelled at school. He is in the leadership team and their meeting was cancelled. They also all moved seats. He has said all those things are ok but I feel it's because it was a change that has caused his meltdown tonight.

Generally though even when he has routine he hates school.  When he had a period of being away from school he is confident and not as anxious.

Thank you for reading this.

Sharon 

Parents

  • I can readily sympathise, as I am autistic and the father of an autistic child. The unpleasant fact is that many autistics, probably the vast majority, find school a very difficult environment. The shock of starting school - I had no pre-schooling - sent me into a 3-month long period of selective mutism. It is not usually learning and being taught that is the problem, it is the vast increase in social interaction demanded by school and sensory overload, that are inimical to autistics. I loathed, hated and feared school; I welcomed the usual childhood illnesses, as they meant a couple of weeks off school.

    The major problem I had was the people, I didn't understand how to relate to teachers, they seemed to have an unaccountable power over me. Many of their instructions appeared to be arbitrary, but still had to be obeyed, even if they seemed entirely irrational to me. I hardly recognised teachers to be fellow human beings, they were always 'other'. Classmates and other children were even worse. They were unpleasantly unpredictable, more inscrutable even than the teachers, and their intentions towards me were not always kindly and sometimes hostile. The combination of the autistic need for predictability and routine combined with autistic limited ability to 'read' other people is quite toxic. The autistic child can be very highly stressed, trying to work out what this horde of people are likely to do, and in a state of constant vigilance. It is easy to imagine that school for an autistic child can be an exhausting, unpleasant and frightening environment.

    I hope that this 'insider view' has been useful.

    On the specifics of the 'quiet place' in your son's school, I think that a chair in a corridor is very unsuitable. Your child, understandably, does not want to stand out. Having a part of a school library is a much better idea, then anyone needing a quiet place can just tell their classmates that they have permission to go to the library in class time. Which is much less of a stigma.

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  • I can readily sympathise, as I am autistic and the father of an autistic child. The unpleasant fact is that many autistics, probably the vast majority, find school a very difficult environment. The shock of starting school - I had no pre-schooling - sent me into a 3-month long period of selective mutism. It is not usually learning and being taught that is the problem, it is the vast increase in social interaction demanded by school and sensory overload, that are inimical to autistics. I loathed, hated and feared school; I welcomed the usual childhood illnesses, as they meant a couple of weeks off school.

    The major problem I had was the people, I didn't understand how to relate to teachers, they seemed to have an unaccountable power over me. Many of their instructions appeared to be arbitrary, but still had to be obeyed, even if they seemed entirely irrational to me. I hardly recognised teachers to be fellow human beings, they were always 'other'. Classmates and other children were even worse. They were unpleasantly unpredictable, more inscrutable even than the teachers, and their intentions towards me were not always kindly and sometimes hostile. The combination of the autistic need for predictability and routine combined with autistic limited ability to 'read' other people is quite toxic. The autistic child can be very highly stressed, trying to work out what this horde of people are likely to do, and in a state of constant vigilance. It is easy to imagine that school for an autistic child can be an exhausting, unpleasant and frightening environment.

    I hope that this 'insider view' has been useful.

    On the specifics of the 'quiet place' in your son's school, I think that a chair in a corridor is very unsuitable. Your child, understandably, does not want to stand out. Having a part of a school library is a much better idea, then anyone needing a quiet place can just tell their classmates that they have permission to go to the library in class time. Which is much less of a stigma.

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