Published on 12, July, 2020
I really don't no what I'm supposed to do with this whole situation! There's no autistic parents how-to manual to follow!
So I have 3 children, my eldest son is Autistic, my middle child is 6 with some behavioural issues and then there's my youngest daughter who's just turned 1.
My eldest autistic child, will refuse to play with his siblings. On the off chance that he does it is only by his rules and terms and is very harsh and will change such rules as and when he pleases. My eldest has some kind of control over my middle child and has him doing everything and anything he wants and will upset him if he doesn't do it or if he doesn't do it right. Understandably my middle child is becoming very upset and distressed every day now and no matter what I try to do nothing works?
Should I be accepting of such manipulative behaviour from an autistic child? Is that part and parcel of autism? I honestly don’t no?Or is it something else going on? I've tried over and over to explain to my middle child that he should not do what his brother demands and he shouldn't feel guilty and play in to it etc. my middle child just doesn't understand and continues to follow and abide by his brother even though it’s making him very sad.
We've had family meetings trying to get the kids to share their feelings between each other and my eldest seems to be oblivious in others feelings and have zero remorse unless it affects him personally.
My middle child will now no longer sit with friends at breakfast club because it upsets his older brother. I've told him to sit where he wants and not to listen to his brother, but he will not listen to me?
I can't get either of them to stop the behaviour and it's just getting worse! My autistic son will boss him around act like a parent, purposely embarrass him and he emotionally blackmails everyone!
i don’t no what to do, is there anything can I do? Am I supposed to be accepting of this ? It’s just tearing me apart.
Siblings always fight they grow out if it I use to be a dik my brother as he use to piss me off when I was younger we get on fine now though but sibling rivalry is normal in any family. Just wait till there old enough they start fighting eachother lol
Not wanting to play with siblings and wanting a lot of independence and private space is indeed an autistic thing. However I wonder if in this case maybe the manipulative behaviour has developed as a coping strategy. If maybe he’s using his younger brother as a kind of social shield.
I’m assuming the younger brother is quite clingy? And instead of pushing him away your eldest tolerates it upto a point in exchange for a degree of control of his younger brother. It would probably be best for your younger son if he spent some time becoming his own man, making friends on his own, becoming less dependent on his elder brother.
but your eldest may find he’s less able to cope as a consequence. Particularly If they share the same school your eldest may be less able to cope with the social side of school as a result.
I’ve called 4 different early help lines, no one answers or responses to messages, the council are too busy and not available when I call them.
We have tried through the gp and the school. We don’t no what professional help is there ? I can’t find it.
Have you sought professional help with this? Sounds like you need it asap.
We have tried to get him to stop and he couldn’t care less or the complete opposite- he will act like it’s the end of the world and says he’s the worst person ever and will start to hit him self/close off.
Although liking things to be done a certain way is an autistic trait, the overt manipulation and bullying of others is just bad behaviour.