Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I am new here, my partner (33) has just been diagnosed with autism (mild). My partner and I are getting married in September and we have started to discuss children. He is starting to get anxious and concerned that a child will disrupt his routine and a bigger concern is that he will lose me and what we have. He wants children but is really struggling with the uncertainty of not knowing how life will be. Any advice would be amazing
Wow thank you for this information i got idea for my problem thanks dude.
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I’m trying to think of a way to answer this that won’t absolutely terrify him! It is true that having children will change the dynamic of your relationship it’s very easy to adjust into full parent mode and forget to still be husband and wife, especially with sleepless nights, body changes, needing to get babysitters for date nights etc. My daughter is the most amazing little person though and we’re so glad we have her but I know my husband (because he told me) wouldn’t be able to cope with more than one child at a time! Clear communication will definitely be vital for him so he knows what’s happeneing. There have been times myself and my husband have thought the other was picking my daughter up and both turned up at home alone! Thankfully when she’s been at Nannie’s house! With regards to his routine how rigid and detailed is it? Do you both go out separately a lot in the evenings? It can be hard adjusting to someone always having to be at home if you go to the gym a lot and/or have active social lives. I’ve also found that taking my daughter to nursery actually helped my sense of routine and knowing what day it was (before her my brain went by which consultants turn it was in my theatre!) now she’s at school my brain can be a bit arrrgghhh because what I’m doing to and from work is completely different. Especially when she was going half days and all the random extra and different stuff they do at Christmas. If he has a super rigid I get up at this time put the kettle on precisely 3 minutes later etc etc a la Sheldon Cooper that is quite likely to go out the window with small people involved! But if it’s just his general sense of knowing where he’s at it might not be so difficult. With newborns as first parents especially it’s best just to take every 20-30 minutes as they come really then the babies find their own routine he can work from if he needs to. You may find that you end up doing more for baby if he’s struggling, especially with sensory issues kids can be very loud, smelly, grabby creatures with no concept of personal space! but good maternity leave helps with that. If you’re in the UK and he works he will still have that to centre his day around as well. Sorry I didn’t realise how long that was getting!
Very long story short : it probably will turn out to be individual to his traits and how strictly he likes to follow routines. You’ll probably get a lot of different answers which won’t apply to him. Get him to think about the fun parts as well, my daughter and husband love painting together and having lunch dates in cafés and things