Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, I’m new here and was hoping for advice please. I had an autism assessment 2 years ago and was told that I had many symptoms of ASD but that I didn’t have autism. I was heartbroken as I have felt different all my life and really thought that autism could be the explanation for it all.
I looked back on my assessment and felt I didn’t explain my issues well enough and maybe masked etc. I am terrible at eye contact for example and the fact I knew they would be assessing things such as eye contact made me focus on it even more than normal so who knows what I portrayed. Also the assessor wanted to know about my childhood and I wasn’t able to answer the questions because I didn’t want to ask my parents or tell them about the assessment. Since hearing about the flurry of adult females in the media being diagnosed later in life I have requested a GP appointment to get a referral for a second opinion. Has anyone else done this before?
I swing from being absolutely certain I’m autistic to feeling a bit narcissistic and silly even suggesting it. My son and my Dad show signs which is another reason for me pursuing a diagnosis at the age of 36. It’s brought up so many emotions and I’m feeling so exposed and raw dredging through all the challenges I have faced to prepare for another assessment. I would be so gutted if they tell me I’m not autistic for a second time.
I don’t seem to have many relevant symptoms when I was a child and most of my issues relate to secondary school onwards. Do you know if you have to have symptoms from birth to be diagnosed as autistic?
Sorry to brain dump. Thank you for your help.
Perhaps it may help to think about it another way.
I confess that the emotional responses of others ('heartbroken' in your case at not being diagnosed; 'relief' - frequently - by those who have been diagnosed) leave me baffled, although I'm clearly in the minority, in that respect(!) I can't relate to the concept of wanting an autism diagnosis.
It's a purely clinical decision, to me. I didn't really have an emotional reaction to being diagnosed, I simply accepted the information (without much surprise, which may account for a lack of deep feeling).
But we're all different.
I guess the question is, if you had a diagnosis, what difference would it make? I think if people are going for Benefits it may be important, but if that's not the case, is there any reason to be 'gutted'?
I am not ashamed of being autistic, but it doesn't fill me with joy either; it's a neutral thing. It explains a lot and I wish I'd known earlier in life; with hindsight, I now understand that it's made some aspects of life a lot harder than they would have been; but I certainly wasn't desperate to be diagnosed with it.
You have some 'symptoms', so in terms of knowing yourself, and how to navigate your way through life, is that not sufficient information?
When you get a diagnosis, on one level, in my experience, nothing changes. You're still you.
The thing is, to get to know yourself, so that you can find the best place in life ... for you. Does it really make any difference whether someone gives it a label?
Just inviting you to think about it a little differently, which may make things easier for you. Wishing you well, whatever.
PersonAnon said:You have some 'symptoms', so in terms of knowing yourself, and how to navigate your way through life, is that not sufficient information?
This is such a good point. Nail. On. The. Head.
But at the same time, I do completely understand the OPs emotional reaction to not getting a diagnosis. I would feel the same way. I have been feeling that a diagnosis would be validation, that there isn't such terrible things wrong with me as I have imagined from all of my social difficulties. All those insults, and negative reactions, and uncomprehending looks, all of it suddenly makes sense. They can all be explained in one word. I believed that a diagnosis would rescue my self confidence and self esteem.
Although the truth is that I am already doing this for myself by following the logic contained in your quote.
Thank you so much for that.
I think I will still leave myself on the diagnosis waiting list, but the assessors opinion won't matter that much to me now, hopefully. The explanations I have already found out due to my own research into Autism over the last couple of months or so, may well be all that I need.
Official validation would be nice, but it would be nicer not to need it. Especially seeing as how unreliable and flawed the process is. It would be a mistake to become too emotionally invested in that. This is easier said that done though I suspect. Probably takes some maturity and strength, either that, or cold hard logic. Maybe a bit of both :)
We all have to work our way through these things, and what works for one, won't work for someone else!