Published on 12, July, 2020
EDIT - i'm not sure why I posted this in Introduce yourself. SORRY!
Does anyone ever get meltdowns where they are just unable to speak.
I'm not mute and never have been, but when I have any kind of meltdown I am physically unable to speak, cannot make eye contact, claw at my skins etc?
I can usually mask very well and force myself to make eye contact but in this state it seems impossible.
My fiance is so understanding but this is one thing he doesnt get. He tries to get me to look at him because he wants to see if I'm okay, tries to get me to tell him how I feel but i physically can't. Then he may get a little upset because I won't speak and it makes me feel 10x worse.
Anyone else?
it usually comes after a meltdown. I go from screaming, crying, inconsolable to completely silent, almost embarrassed, unable to even look at anyone. It’s very confusing to me
Seems more like a shutdown. You say during these periods you cannot speak and a shutdown is the brain’s way of withdrawing from the environment in order to preserve energy. You probably shutdown because you internalise (mask).
I have meltdowns sometimes but my wife is usually able to control me.
When your in a better state, see if you can schedule a time to talk and give him a short list of ideas that will help.
Usually others feel helpless, so drawing you a bath or making something to eat can be a way he can redirect his energy and feel less 'out of sorts' (which can cause a panic and that doesn't help).
Having intentionality and purpose is important for everyone with or without autism. So, planning a thing and sticking to it, creating habits of allowing the other to know they're worthwhile and we can talk in exactly 15 minutes, these are small acts of intention. They build a type of trust through habit and reliability so things run much more smoothly and individuals panic less. And when I need a full Time Out, you've become used to your role (just letting me get on with it), don't become needy or selfish or panic or assume, but go about whatever makes you feel helpful/useful and we can resume when I'm done like nothing happened.
Alternately, I have found that taking a habitual day for myself, and creating my home surroundings to be Anxiety free (no extra noise, very few LEDs, no harsh scents/chemicals), top to toe in Marino wool or 100% cottons is a safe enough space to where I just feel better at home.
thank you <3
Selective mutism is a bit of a misnomer, because at the time you are experiencing it there is nothing selective about it. I had it fairly often as a child, but not really since. There is little else to do except to reassure your fiance that when you are in this state there is nothing beneficial he can actively do, that it is of a finite duration and that for him to be calm and patient is the best way of helping you.