Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello. I've been chatting to some ladies on here who are struggling in their relationships with partners who have Aspergers or high function Autism and I've noticed there seems to be a need for support. I am in the same situation and my partner and I have a little boy aged 5, who is also on the spectrum. Life has been very tough for a few years, but my partner and I have just started counselling.
I am hoping some others will hop on board so we can all share info and experience and support each other.
I haven't intended it to be exclusively for ladies by the way.
Love Rosemary xx
Hi everyone and thanks to Rosemary for leading me to this thread.
I am at the end of my tether with my partner of 10 years. Looking back I don't know how I have put up with him for all of this time - I can only think it has to be love.
Since I met him via a dating agency, I knew he was a bit 'odd'. On our first date he stood by his car when I pulled up and kept staring straight ahead. I had to ask if he was D and introduce myself. Well, we went to a pub and he sat opposite me but couldn't look at me - he seemed to be looking everywhere but at me. Then he started going on about some pidgeon outside in the carpark as if that was more interesting than me. Although I found him physically attractive, I had already decided he didn't like me and would not want another date, so was surprised when outside he pulled me into his arms and kissed me. He said he thought I was 'very nice' and so we did arrange to see each other again.
He was such hard work though. Our dates consisted of either him coming to my place or me going to his place. I soon learned that he wasn't into socialising or going out. As I got to know him, I realised that he had no friends at all and that I was probably his first serious relationship. Being that he was 53 when we met, that was rather unusual.
As time went on, I got more and more hurt by his lack of emotion as I was falling for him in a big way. He never told me how he felt about me, he never seemed to be proud of being with me, never wanted to have his photo taken with me, never wanted to meet my friends or family. I sometimes wonder why I stayed with him. My first husband was physically disabled and I think I have always been a sucker for the underdog type.
As the years went on I became more and more unhappy, often threatening to leave him but changing my mind when he begged me to stay. He would never admit he was in the wrong or apologise though, I always ended up thinking it was my fault things weren't working.
Then 6 months ago I got diagnosed with *** cancer and it was his total lack of empathy or support that finally got to me. He even dropped me off in the hospital car park when I went for surgery, saying that I would be well looked after!
I decided to get some counselling through Macmilan Relate and although I mentioned the subject of Asperger's to the counsellor, he seemed to think that D was a very uncaring, selfish man and that there was no future in the relationship. The reason I joined this site was mainly to save my relationship by understanding Asperger's - I want to compare symptoms with other women, learn how they cope etc. If I am wrong and he does not have AS, then that would be worse for the counsellor would be right and he is just horrid and selfish.
Sorry again for the essay
Love Bluegem x