Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I thought I'd just say where I am in life.
I'm in my mid 30s, I've been to university, I've had a long term relationship, I've had kids, I have a house, I have a fairly decent job with a supportive company.
Everything normal right?
Well, no not really, I've also grown up with two autistic parents, and at least one autistic sibling.
I've struggled with bullying throughout primary and secondary school.
I crashed at university, and pulled a degree out of the ashes.
I moved to another country and managed to successfully be self employed for 4 years, until my brother killed himself.
My parents had no interest in his illness because he was a 'timewaster', so keeping him alive became my special interest.
I've gone from one job to another, the last job I was 8 months in, and my manager died so I had to keep the company going for the next 4 years.
Then during the counselling to deal with my brother's death I find out I'm on the spectrum.
My partner at the time goes into grief, but between kids, her job and my job we have no time to discuss and identify ways forward.
I have to leave that job because of bullying, and now my current job requires me to accept ethical acrobatics, which being defined by my values is more than a challenge.
My last relationship ended because one of my friends decided to use lockdown to run off with my partner who was furlough. I looked after the children so she could get a break from homeschooling, she used the break to get a 'fufilling relationship'.
Now I'm trying to fight for my children, who over the last ~5 years have becom my special interest, while she denies that she has ever had an affair.
So where do I go next, I need a new special interest, but children feel like the ultimate special interest.
A new partner would be ideal, but how do I manage trust, which has never been a strong point?
How to I transition from looking after the children all the hours god gives, to only 50% of the time?
How do I manage all the changes, legal aspects and general mess that goes with a relationship breakdown?
So yes, welcome to my world...
I think my first suggestion would be to take a metaphorical deep breath. You've got a lot going on. It might be a good idea to get some professional legal/medical support/advice. But, through it all, stay calm.
Thanks Mycal, staying calm is key. Being reasonable is a phrase I've heard constantly, but being on the spectrum it can be really challenging to know what is reasonable, how far can I go, what I can do do, but perhaps what I shouldn't do.I have a friends and fmaily telling me to put her things outside the house, and to change the locks and all your feelings agree with them, but your instincts are that it will just escalate the situation.Luckily because of a previous job I've got legal insurance, so while they won't cover my legal expenses because it's a family case, I do have unlimited access to a legal helpline. I'm probably calling them a couple of time a week at present, but it gives me a lot of confidence knowing I can ask for advice whenever I need it.
Kudos for remaining upbeat. I have been beating myself up over far less.
Custody battles have been the destruction of many a dad. Toxic Women are unreasonable, and constantly play the Victim. But you're not alone. I feel disgusted that responsible men have to pay the price for irresponsible men.
Keep fighting the good fight.