Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello. I am ugly. I look like a hobo; a troglodyte; a "B" movie monster--- but without the pay. I have no money. Let me see a show of hands of the people who want to date me.....
{five seconds pass; ten seconds....}
Hum. Anyone out there? Anyone?
Otch, well. I seem to have the same luck in the imaginary world than I have in Real Life. Since nights of passion and ecstasy appears to be off the table, I suppose an introduction must suffice.
I am ugly. I look like a.....
Oh, wait: I did that part already.
For the past 20.4 years I have been ranch hand on a cattle ranch located in the lonely canyon lands of Northern New Mexico. Perhaps you can imagine what this has done to my love life.
David! Stop doing that!
Oops. Sorry. Where was I? Oh: in New Mexico, living and working on a woman-less cattle ranch, north of Santa Fe. I am surrounded by sandstone cliffs, down here on the canyon floor, among ancient Gallina Phase ruins. These were a collection of Rosa pueblo people who lived here about 700 to 88 years ago. I presume they had women here way back then, which is why I wish I had been born long ago.
I do the usual ranch hand things: hammer my thumb instead of nail; run terrified away from Cow Number Fourteen, who appears to love the taste of human flesh; how beans in the blistering sun, then fall on my face due to dehydration; die each night of loneliness because I am once again alone with no woman to...
Okay, okay. You do not need to know that part.
Before coming to the ranch I lived in a cave for 29 months, alone, because there are not many women who wish to live in caves these days. Yes: really. I wrote a popular memoir about the "adventure."
Before then I delivered boats around the planet for lazy boat owners who did not want to face death going places.
Before then I worked in Information Technology for 12 years, for a heartless international corporation that had plenty of women stomping around, but none of them found me worthy of sharing her life with me.
Because I'm ugly. And I look like a troglodyte.
There really is no accounting for what people find sexy, you know. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Certainly some of my ex boyfriends weren't the classic model look.
For me, and for many women, the mind and soul are a much bigger turn on. I can't comment on anyone's looks, everyone is some one's kind of sexy, but you have certainly lead an interesting life and I can tell by your posts that you are a deep thinker with a big soul. That's got to be just what someone out there has been looking for all their life...it's just about being at the right time in the right space with them. That much is luck.
As for all the other seemingly successful Romeos out there...well, how many of them find true love and how many just a string of superficial encounters? Not all of them are happy, for sure.
Thank you: I see that you are wise, and perhaps wiser than I am. I have been called a "genius," and "wise," but I feel the fool when I contemplate my behavior and my thoughts. It is foolish of me to lament a lost friend for 24 years, yet I think of her several times a week. That is not wisdom: that is pathology.
My friend 24 years ago once told me that I should show the people around me my true nature instead of hiding it. I had no idea what she meant: I did not even know I am autistic, nor know I was "masking" out of the business requirements dictated. She also told me "You will make a wonderful husband and father for someone." She did not know how painful that was to me.
My roommate Lyndelle wondered why there were no women in my life,and told me I would regret being alone--- as if it was somehow my choice to be alone, lonely, and in pain every night I laid down alone. It was not a choice that no woman found me worthy.
women are very picky and fussy, but then again, they too end up alone because of this trait of theirs.
I understand that there are many hundreds of millions of people no one wants for a mate. I do not believe that woman-kind is that shallow, yet it is a fact that attractive people choose each other.
aye true, genetically speaking youd want the most attractive, for that signifies better genes and thus a better genetic child. although even then you cant please them as they also require you to have good personality too. in essence they want perfection, but yet no one is perfect so you end up basically wanting a type of person that doesnt even exist and thus end up with nothing at all. perhaps their lesson in life is that they must be accepting and make some exceptions in some areas if you want to get anyone at all. especially most of these women they arnt perfect themselves, they are like 5/10s but yet they expect a 10/10 good looking model.... its never gonna happen.... the people they want will turn their nose up at them in disgust, they need some self realisation that the people they want are literally out of their league lolwhich tbh these days the best looking men are usually gay anyway, so they have no chance. the people they want dont want them... and they arnt willing to be more reasonable. but yet men are expected to not go for looks and are expected to drop their standards otherwise they are pigs? but yet that doesnt work the same way when its women? women are allowed to be pigs and go for such high standards that are out of their league? double standards of society.i personally accept anyone that clicks with me and accepts me. and is a reasonable distance. no one is like that though, because they are all pigs, society has corrupted everyone to be so superficial and shallow.