Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,I'm a 38 year old female and I think I may have Asperger's. My GP is going to refer me for an assessment.
I've always found socialising difficult, but thought I was just shy or had social anxiety. But recently I noticed something worrying: I keep falling out with friends or offending them without intending to. I don't know if this is a symptom of Asperger's or not? Could someone clarify this? The worrying thing was that I couldn't predict when it was going to happen, and sometimes I didn't even understand why it had happened. That's when I started researching and trying to find out what the problem could be. When I read about Asperger's, and symptoms like 'masking', I realised that I have masked all my life. I realised that maybe the reason I have low self esteem is because I could never understand why I couldn't be social like others could.
Anyway, I am very pleased to have found this community. Thank you! It is great to know that I'm not alone in this experience.
I have some questions about diagnosis. I am somewhat worried because I understand that many high-functioning autistic females are misdiagnosed. I've read that if you do get an Asperger's diagnosis, you can access help and support. Can anyone tell me what kind of help you can access, specifically in terms of therapy: can you get help developing social skills, and help for low self esteem and anxiety, for example? What kind of therapy is it? Can you get to the stage where you can function more easily and get less anxious?
If I get diagnosed as NOT autistic, can I still participate in this forum? I guess I could still read self-help books for Asperger's, and use what is relevant? I am currently on the waiting list for CBT for anxiety (I have had therapy several times in my life, for issues including an eating disorder, low self esteem, anxiety, and insomnia, and I'm currently waiting for more therapy). I suppose I could tell the therapist that I suspect I have Asperger's, but they wouldn't be able to give me specialist help for autism, but perhaps they could help me with social anxiety.
Thank you!
I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply to my post and has been so helpful in explaining the process of diagnosis and supporting me at this time. I am a lot more informed now and have started the process of getting myself referred for an assessment. I really appreciate everyone's comments, thank you.
You're welcome! I hope you find the answers you are searching for. You've made the first steps which can be difficult to do. I am always happy to help and answer any questions, so you can message me anytime. Your journey will most likely bring a whole load of different emotions so I would say definitly be kind to yourself throughout the whole process :)
Hi Amy, thanks very much, that's kind of you. At the moment I'm wondering whether I might just have social anxiety, not autism. I have confided in a person I know, and they don't think I'm autistic. But another person I know whose son is autistic says he is 100% sure that I am, and he says most people don't know about autism so they wouldn't recognise the signs.
I've been in contact with the Lorna Wing Centre. I hope I can be assessed there, because they have a lot of experience diagnosing adult women. They say the waiting list is up to 5-6 months at the moment, and it's the same waiting list for both NHS and private referrals, so I am going to see if my GP will refer me there. So that means that probably I won't get a diagnosis until early next year. My friend whose son is autistic says that I can be doing things in the meantime to help myself, e.g. reading about autism and finding out things I can do to help myself. I find the uncertainty difficult, but I'm trying to limit the amount of time I spend thinking about it all, because I can't do anything about it once I've sent in the forms.
It is strange because when I read about autism, a lot of it I can't relate to, but a lot of it I can. Apparently autism is different for everyone. But it does make me feel very uncertain about whether or not I have it, and I'm trying not to be anxious about this. I think it will help me to know for sure.
Hi Out_of_step,Thanks for your reply. I've read that social anxiety is connected a lot with thoughts (for example, worrying that you'll be judged) and I definitely have this, but on the other hand, even at times when I'm not feeling anxious or having anxious thoughts, I find it hard to respond naturally when someone talks to me. I find myself really consciously thinking about how I should behave, and I can tell that I don't seem natural in conversation. This makes me wonder if I am autistic, because I can't intuitively interact like other people can.Thanks for the book recommendations. I recently found a post on this forum with several titles that people had found useful, so I will also look at that again.
Hi Amy,
Thanks so much for your reply, it is helpful to read because I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. Like you, when I told my mum that I thought I was autistic, she said she didn't think that I was. And there are many days when I feel 'normal' and life seems to be going well. But I too have had several other problems that could be interconnected. I've also had low self esteem for many years. If I am diagnosed autistic, I hope it will help me to feel less at fault for my differences.
I agree with amy and if you go for assessment, you'll get an answer one way or another. To me, social anxiety can be improved with therapy by changing how you see your thoughts. But if you inherently find things difficult, (whether other people see this or dont notice) no amount of therapy will "cure" this because you'll always have social deficits to some degree. My anxiety isn't as bad now because I know there are aspects which are "just me" that I can't really change. So I don't worry about it. However, I still find social situations challenging to a certain extent.
I don't relate to quite a bit of what ive read on autism but I was diagnosed. i can still relate to a lot. Cynthia kim and liane halliday-wiley are also good authors amongst the others I've mentioned in previous posts. Maybe make a list or keep a diary of how you think you relate to the three areas (communication, social interaction and restricted behaviours). Also if you decide to go for an assessment, don't chicken out like I nearly did several times. Stick with it.