Hello from Bonnie Scotland!

Where to start...

Hello peeps!

I'm really not a great people person, not even sure if this is a good idea, but hey, gotta start somewhere.  I was diagnosed(ASD) initially when i was 15, and again at 27 when i caused a bit of a hoo-ha, so i guess there's no point trying to convince myself it isn't true.  People have been moaning at me for years that i need to get out more, make new friends, find new hobbies and get off the computer.  They seem to think its just as easy as that, it might well be as easy as that for them, but it really isn't for me! I'm sure they mean well, as i do crave friendships/companionship etc, it just doesn't work out as i hope and after so many failures in the past i kind of gave up and resigned myself to being alone forever.

I've got a weird sense of humour that most people don't get, i get anxious around people i don't know, and even groups of people i do know. I never initiate anything, no matter how much i want to say anything, I'll go along with anything even if i think its a bad idea just to fit in(the hoo-ha from above). What's not to love?!

I was just googling face to face groups for people of the spectrum when i found this site, hoping to find like minded people, not to say i'd find the courage to turn up of course. I guess this is a safer start for me.  With any luck, there's another weirdo like myself here waiting for me... it could happen!

Lets hope this is goes better than im expecting.

(P.S)I realised after typing all that, i haven't really shared anything about myself... It has been years since ive spoken to anybody properly so i guess i need some practice.

D.

  • Hi there, I’m looking for new friends with ASD. I’m in scotland too. 

  • Hello and welcome, I'm from Scotland too 

  • That's seems to be my issue as well.  I kinda get fed up and bored if I'm with people that are speaking about things in not interested in.  I know i need to listen to them, as they listen to me, but its just so difficult to keep focus.  Since I'm basically just a gamer and nothing else, finding people away from computers with similar interested seems impossible.  Im also not great at asking questions, i need them to keep engaging me or it will result in that awkward silent moment.

  • Speaking of 2 auties in a room, that really didn't work out lol.  I got stuck with somebody that's focus was on discovery land rovers and politics, and just wouldn't stop talking about them. I told him umpteen times i wasn't interested, but he kept going on about it.  I guess that's what people think about me when i ramble on about computers and games, but in general i don't mention them anymore unless asked for that exact reason.

    I suppose 2 auties with a similar focus might be good, but 2 randoms, not so much!

  • Yes, they would have to be interested in things that I am or in the least tolerant of differences. 

  • Absolutely. No can be what they are not and trying will never make anyone happy.

    I find it easier one on one as people tend to open up and tell you what they think and feel, so no guess work or multiple conversation threads.

    I do go out in groups of people I really like but tend to sit on the edge of them. 

    I have found over a life time that I've gravitated toward people who are very easy going and tolerant or else as off beat as I am for one reason or another.

  • Hello Dawn. I think these people are just closed minded. You are what you are. I tried to be social at university and in school to fit in but I usually ended up wishing I could pursue my own interests and not them. I aIways felt sad that I cannot be happy around other people as they seemed happy but I never was. But now do this and hardly talk to people. Perhaps it is easier to just meet one or two people that like you as you are and then carry on with who you are? 

  • Hey! Welcome!

    You know the right companions are out there.

    I was talking to an old friend today. Little did we both know that for different reasons we've both ended up needing an assessment in our 50s. Wierd synchronicity???

    Maybe not! We've both had our different traumas due to the traits, but however little we might have felt we didn't fit with general society, we've always clicked with, loved and respected eachother. Indeed, we are both aware others think we're odd, but we really don't see eachother as odd at all.

    They do say put two auties in a room and communication problems?...what communication problems? Like does attract like.

    You'll find some like minded souls here, I'm sure. It's not easy to identify them in the real world, but one in about 70 of the population, odds are there must be some you run across of which some will be friendship material. Meanwhile, we're here...

    Spent a lot of time in Scotland as a kid :-)

  • I actually find that at times I can mask really well, so much so that people have referred to me as confident. The reality is I'm anything but, I think I just developed a sort of script of mindless small talk, even though I hate small talk :p But it's enabled me to get by, to a point, to the point where I can be 'popular' with friends, but I don't get anything from those friendships or relationships, I hear people talk about their problems with friends or partners and it never makes sense to me why people think we should aspire to have those things, it seems to me they're more sources of stress than anything else and I can say from my own experience that's what friendships and relationships usually turn out to be. 

  • aye totally feel ya, i dont think id ever be able to go out and approach randoms and converse and insert myself into their group or whatever... i dunno, it just seems rather rude and invasive to do but yet thats normal and how every normal person makes friends? lol

  • Welcome to the forum! I'm sure you'll find plenty of like-minded people here, I myself pretty much decided I didn't need friends or relationships after my last one broke down, to most it sounds really depressing but for me the thought of being married and tied down and having responsibility for a family just doesn't appeal to me, and I think it was only because of societal expectations that I thought I wanted the traditional meet someone, settle down extravaganza but nowadays the thought scares the crap out of me :p

  • a quick way to get a christmassy smell is to melt some scented tealights in with your wax 

  • The candle making is a new addition to my list of things i can do to not go outdoors, more to be awkward than anything else.  It fills the "more hobbies" request without leaving the computer Slight smile.  Only made 2 so far, trying to get them to smell of xmas... preparing early, but they didnt come out so well.  I dont have much of a sense of smell anymore, so its not easy to do alone. They are on hold right now, as i think im moving home in the coming weeks and i dont want to have to transport them and crush them.

  • Welcome to this forum for autistic adults and non-autistic carers and parents Slight smile

    I was into candle making  at one point i made one 1 metre in length with all the wax i could get my hands on. It looked really ugly as the colours mixed badly and it didnt work well as a candle.  It ended up being melted down and reused, which is the beauty of candle making.

  • A really big hello and welcome!