Published on 12, July, 2020
Good afternoon everyone. I am sorry to bother you all. My wife and I feel like we have been through the wringer this week. Our 4 year old wee boy has been to an initial appointment and although his diagnosis has still be done officially at the next stage, it seems he has autism. He can talk but it is very limited for his age, maybe 2 or 3 word sentences mostly punctuated by a very occasional 5 or 6 word sentence every couple of days or so. He does use individual words very often but nowhere near what would be expected for his age.
Probably the most obvious thing he does is ignore attempts, both verbal and body language wise to gain his attention. I can shout his name 15 times close by and he simply doesn't respond. Deep down, I have really worried about this for a while and we instigated getting things checked based on our observations.
On the plus side, he is quite good in different environments, soft play, nursery, Gran and Grandads, friends etc. Leaving places he is not great sometimes if he wants to stay but in the grand scheme of things it could be much worse. My biggest fear is for his future and I know that this simply has to play out. I am praying that his speaking improves and I am terrified that his wee brothers of 6 months and 3 years may be affected as well. My 3 year old does speak a lot better and I think having only recently encountered this situation I am maybe over analysing things as it is so raw at the moment.
What is other peoples experience? Is it commonplace for this to run in families. I am really sorry if this seems a bit self pitying as that is not my nature and I know in time I will get my head round this and immerse myself in as much knowledge as I can which will help my young lad as well as me as I will feel better knowing I am trying my very best for him.
I live in Scotland and wondered if there are any obvious things I should be doing at present.
Thank you.
Ryan
Hi Ryan, I work in a nursery in England, specifically with children who have autism. Firstly, give yourselves time to process, you have a lot to take in! Try not to over think ( easier said than done). Have you spoken with his nursery staff? Work closely with them whilst you wait for the official assessment. Please forgive me, I'm uncertain if Scotland uses the same forms and processes that I'm used to. Could you start an educational health and care plan with the nursery? It will speed things up for your family if your son does receive a diagnosis.
Thank you so much for you reply, I have spoken to his nursery and they have been very good. It's a private nursery and I am unsure they have the expertise although the lass who deals with my son most has really embraced the situation and went out of her way to find out stuff herself. She is quite young and it's been really impressive the way she has stepped up. It is clear she is fond of him and wants to invest as much in him as possible.
I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do everything just now. As you say, we have to process it. Personally I am fluctuating between denial, anger, positivity, negativity and fundamentally fear about the future.
One thing that strikes me is they give you the information in a fairly matter of fact way and then you are left at the mercy of administration times whilst things happen. There is no way if improving that but it does add to the feeling of feeling hopeless and me letting him down..
Thank you so much Pikl. I will certainly do that as it would be good to learn more so I can help him. Thank you for being so kind. I really appreciate it.
All those feelings are absolutely normal, you've been thrown onto a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm so pleased that the young lady at the nursery has really stepped up and is being so supportive. You are not letting your son down, you are doing everything you can, speaking to the nursery, coming here. I know the systems between Scotland and England will have some differences, slightly different processes and names of forms. If you need to talk, shout for me, I am happy to share the strategies I use with the children I work with. You're not alone.