Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi my 14 yr old daughter has been having a very hard few years . She suffers from bad anxiety and has left school to be home educated because of bullying.The last few month with no obvious reason this anxiety is at breaking point with her having thought of “if she wasn’t here” these thoughts are scaring her . She talks to me about everything although sometimes it takes her a long time to explain what the problem is .I have been reading and after her Councellor spoke to me to say that may be ASD was a factor a lot of boxes are being ticked .She cannot hold on to friendships and is bullied a lot, when she does have a friend she pushes them away as she is obsessive about the friendship and almost smothers them with her feelings .She is very fussy eating and will only eat a variat of three things , all food has to be separate on a plate and will not mix food other that all coated in tomato sauce .Quite intelligent with school work but struggles to organise plan out things .Constant tapping foot or bopping knee / clearing her throat .Will not sleep at all unless I’m my bed we have tried every way during the years .Cried uncontrollably when I found out I was pregnant / struggles with change .When she has something in her mind like a day out or wanting to buy something she will talk about it constantly (and I mean constantly) until it’s done this could be weeks / months .Has a huge phobia of germs and people vomiting , she will ask repeatedly am I going to be sick or can you promis I won’t be sick , even if I say I have a headache .If anyone at sisters school is unwell she will not go next to sister and ask how she is feeling again constant obsessive Incase she has any germs.
She puts her hands over her ears and rocks if she panics or things are Loud. If a plane goes over she thinks it will crash on her or the house There is loads more but we have been referred for an ASD diagnosis to see if anything needs to be addressed.
Even as a baby /young child when I look back there is signs and things she did however we have always just said she has a quirk and wouldn’t have it any other way .She feels comfortable at home and has a good strong family relationship but with anyone else she shows shynes and cannot work out when people are being serious or joking .
Do you think CHAMS can help and is this autism traits or anxiety ?
Hi.
From what you say it does sound as though she's probably on the spectrum - it's probably worth pursuing a diagnosis for her.
If she is on the spectrum, I don't know if this helps but for a lot of us, our fight or flight response is stuck on 100% - we are always on edge looking for potential threats and escape options - so our anxiety is through the roof all the time. The more you can control her environment to give her places of sanctuary, the more she will be able to decompress after a day in interacting with the world.
Another way of looking at it is our lives are like living in a noisy, smelly, overstimulating Las Vegas Casino - and then having to do our daily interactions while living in there. It's knackering!
If you mix this in with the demands of puberty and the way children suddenly start to play with relationships, it gets more complex - and teenage girls can be horrible to each other.
A lot of the rituals and demands are a desperate attempt to gain some kind of hard control over her world - but it ends up as self-destructive because it's usually to do with food or sleep or immediate environment - and controlling the family - and it's hard to break those - they become like Dumbo's magic feather. The more you can carefully and relentlessly stretch her world to smooth out the anxiety, the better. Tomboy activities are simpler to process - less complex feelings to unpack during and afterwards,.
It's worth getting as much help as you can - but teenagers can be brutal judges of competence - they instantly measure and assess a counsellor and can just dismiss them if they don't 'get' them quickly enough.
Does she have any hobbies? You'll often find others doing the same thing are on the spectrum too.
Does this sound like a kind of ASD? I’m totally new to all of this .