Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello. This is my first time on the forum.
My son who is nearly 23 was first diagnosed autistic was he was 18 years old, just before starting university. Although at the age of 12 was on borderline ADHD. I found that once diagnosed there didn't seem to be that much in the way of getting help to understand his autism and how to support him. He struggled whilst in secondary school, had no friends, had no support from the school on how to socialise or communicate with other students. I had to attend the school for a meeting because he was (what they seem to think) very rude to a teacher, when he refused 'to do something the teacher asked him to do' only because they didn't say 'please'. He also got into serious trouble whilst at college (involving another student) and the college handled it very badly. Said he would be excluded from college if their counsellor said he wasn't fit enough to attend. Before going to university, I made sure he had all the support he needed (as he would be living away from home) but again the university let him down. Within the first week he got into trouble with flatmates (who simply don't understand autistic people or wanted to understand). Everything seemed to be his fault. Things got worse after moving rooms at university and got to a stage where he could not cope with students ignoring all the rules which lead to him being in front of a Student Conduct Panel (mini jury). All his time at university I supported him with everything (from cleaning his room to helping with his work). Over the past 4 years (whilst he was at university) this in turn brought a lot of pressure on the family. Not knowing if I was doing the right things by helping him (my husband said I should just leave him to get on with it and if he failed, then he failed). I was very much aware of my son's mental health and letting him fail was not an option.
My son graduated from university last year and is now at home looking for work. Although all he wants to do is go to bed after 12pm (which is causing a problem with his sister who needs to get up for college) and stay in bed until 11am, then spending most of the time playing his computer games.
I am still the one looking for a job for him, as he doesn't want to, which is causes problems between me and my husband who says that our son should be doing it.
I have completed 2 or 3 free online courses relating to autism to try and understand him. But sometimes me and my husband/daughter have different views on what support he needs.
Apologies for carrying on. I am looking for advice on how can I encourage my son to get up in the mornings, join a forum like this one so he can communicate and make friends, even if it is just online. Also, how can I get my family members (nan, grandad etc.) to understand him and what we are going through.
I will take onboard any comments.
What is he into? What hobbies did he have as a child? Us grown-up aspies still have all the same hobbies and that's where he's likely to find like-minded people to interact with in the real world. If all he's ever done is 'gaming', then that will probably be very difficult as his life has no reality-based foundation..
As a child we did try to encourage him into different hobbies but was interested. Did play with lego, played board games. He does like playing Citidals (which is a card game). He does not like going out of the house unless there is a reason to be so (like to buy something from a shop). He has no other interests just his computer games (star wars and Gods fall). No reality hobbies, we have tried to get him interested.
Plastic said:based