Late autism diagnosis, now it all makes sense

Absolutely. I'm right with you.

My diagnosis (very recently - mid forties) was a "coming home" moment. Everything slotted into place - and I was no longer judging myself by the standards of a society and culture which isn't geared towards me. I could never "get" why I never "got" people - why I never knew how to handle friendships or relationships, why I was so tired all the time (people - living alone with a cat has been a godsend), why I found new groups , environments - any kind of change - stressful, and in the main just barely functioning in a world which made no damned sense. 

Until then I was diagnosed as depressed (which admittedly I was, but that was the icing on the cake) and was on a continuous hamster-wheel of self-analysis trying to understand why I felt so out of place and why the world seemed so disordered. If I had a set-back it'd take me an incredibly long time to recover. I always had difficulty with processing emotions and understanding other people's motivations... I seem to operate on very rule-bound perspective which seemed perfectly obvious to me and I could never understand why other people didn't see things the same way. Family (sadly) weren't very supportive so it was always a case of "getting on with it" - except I didn't know how to, apart from adopting a persona to function and that only went so far.

I kept looking for causes, roles - anything - that would give me a sense of identity and a place in the world. Religion worked for a while, until I unpicked it and I saw it was all make-believe. Everything fell short because my expectations were too high and I laboured under the illusion there was someone who had figured this out.... ....except no-one had.

So understanding that I have traits that are not neurotypical has allowed me to drop all that, finally understand who I am and why I see things the way I do and to *finally* process my chequered and confusing history and be a lot kinder to my younger self. I've regrets about my career (I'm over-qualified for what I do), but looking back, I made what I thought were the best choices at the time on the information I had. Missed opportunities still sting a bit - but I'm realising that's part of the course.

I'm really happy that you've found peace and life is easier post-diagnosis. It's an experience I can wholeheartedly relate to. My diagnosis transformed my worldview - still working through things, but for the first time I feel I'm living with myself, not fighting against myself.

Wishing you the very best for the future. 

E

Absolutely. I'm right with you.

My diagnosis (very recently - mid forties) was a "coming home" moment. Everything slotted into place - and I was no longer judging myself by the standards of a society and culture which isn't geared towards me. I could never "get" why I never "got" people - why I never knew how to handle friendships or relationships, why I was so tired all the time (people - living alone with a cat has been a godsend), why I found new groups , environments - any kind of change - stressful, and in the main just barely functioning in a world which made no damned sense. 

Until then I was diagnosed as depressed (which admittedly I was, but that was the icing on the cake) and was on a continuous hamster-wheel of self-analysis trying to understand why I felt so out of place and why the world seemed so disordered. If I had a set-back it'd take me an incredibly long time to recover. I always had difficulty with processing emotions and understanding other people's motivations... I seem to operate on very rule-bound perspective which seemed perfectly obvious to me and I could never understand why other people didn't see things the same way. Family (sadly) weren't very supportive so it was always a case of "getting on with it" - except I didn't know how to, apart from adopting a persona to function and that only went so far.

I kept looking for causes, roles - anything - that would give me a sense of identity and a place in the world. Religion worked for a while, until I unpicked it and I saw it was all make-believe. Everything fell short because my expectations were too high and I laboured under the illusion there was someone who had figured this out.... ....except no-one had.

So understanding that I have traits that are not neurotypical has allowed me to drop all that, finally understand who I am and why I see things the way I do and to *finally* process my chequered and confusing history and be a lot kinder to my younger self. I've regrets about my career (I'm over-qualified for what I do), but looking back, I made what I thought were the best choices at the time on the information I had. Missed opportunities still sting a bit - but I'm realising that's part of the course.

I'm really happy that you've found peace and life is easier post-diagnosis. It's an experience I can wholeheartedly relate to. My diagnosis transformed my worldview - still working through things, but for the first time I feel I'm living with myself, not fighting against myself.

Wishing you the very best for the future. 

E