Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 41 and I think I might have Asperger's, I was referred by my GP for testing about 5 years ago and I'm still waiting.
I read a lot about it in the meantime, and issues I faced so far in dealing with social situations, trying to understand, what I'm doing wrong and why are all there decribed as part of being autistic.
2 years ago after my first and only 10 years long relationship fell apart, I came to the conclusion that masking, that is how you call it here, is a mistake, and in a long run it will only make things worse. It was a good move to stop doing it, I'm still getting stressed with social situations, still getting told that I'm rude, incompassionate, loud, talk to much, interrupt people etc., still cannot figure out before saying that what I'm about to say they find innapropriate for some reason..., but at least I'm not trying to hide anymore, and it's a huge relieve, I even made one new friend since then (shared interrests), so now I've got 2 friends, that's probably more then average. My family is still comfortable witrh me only when I 'act normal', I wonder if that will ever change.
But let's get to the point why I decided to create an account here and speak up. There are 3 things that I haven't seen mentioned before here, that were always part of me and I find atypical for regular humans:
1. I'm a very agreeable person. Unless it is something that will make me break rules, or forces me to agree with something that's clearly false and incorrect, I always agree, there is no 'but', no negotiations, inside my head included.
2. I have a very good memory, perfect with numbers (I developed a method to memorise a number with minimal effort in one day, and remember it forever :p, our way of showing off I suppose), except when it comes to names, they fade away if I did not see someone for more then a week, and memories of daily activities are very blurry and incomplete at best, unless something important happened. But recently (it started about a year ago) memories of my early childhood (when I was between 4 and 11) started to emerge from a foggy past, while I thought they are long gone. A lot of memories, and I notice details now I was not aware as a kid, because I did not have a concept of it to see it.
3. I've got very good contact with children, while I make very bad first impression on grownups. I work in a supermarket, and there wasn't a kid so far that came shopping with parents that wouldn't like me. So unless it is a parent of a kid I've just made laugh (part of my secret tactic to win them over :p, somehow I know how to talk to them), or someone working with me, I usually do not get 2nd chance. I have never got a job if face-to-face interview was part of recruitment process. Once in my life happened something truly amazing, one of managers, where I work currently, came to me after 6 months since he was transfered to our store and said:
'Mariusz, I feel like I have to apologise to you, I made really bad 1st impression about you, that was unfair and unjust, but I changed my mind about you'. It warms my heart to think about it sometimes. It means there is hope for me, for us.
So, is it the same for you?
Thank you for reading it, I worry it might be to much for starters.
Mariusz
have u tried the online tests ?
I can send u the links if u want to try them
I did try few, a lot over mild.
What I really need is an official diagnosis, for my store manager, that would make my life easier.
Atm, she denies there is an issue, while exploiting my difficulties
ok assuming u r in the uk
u can simply "self declare" yourself as autistic. You have to be treated as autistic from then onwards.
having said that a formal diagnosis is highly preferred because they could find out u are not autistic but adhd + OCD
OR
autistic + ADHD +OCD +anxiety + depression
OR whatever
and the report they give u can indicate your weaknesses so u can work on those and get adjustments at work ( possibly ) with those.
Its up to u to if u want to go down the "Self declare" route.
I would explain again to your GP that your work needs to know. Your working life depends on this diagnosis.
Be careful taking off work sick. I lost a job that way.
Please make your aim to stay in work, its far better than benefits
Its tough. Getting a autism diagnosis doesnt get u alot. Maybe a bit more flexiblity at work. It really depends on your managers.
But it will reduce ur employability in say in any next jobs.
So u may have to hide any autism diagnosis ( I do )
You can ignore anything I say.
wait for more replies
can u get /try another GP ?
dont quit your job. try and last through covid dont let them push you out
It's more like this for autistic + ADHD +OCD +anxiety + depression
I tried to go to work as long as I could, Any talking to my SM ends, bring paper from GP. But last day before Christmas I was basically munched down by her, because I did not smile. My bad I was to tired and a bit sick to remember to do that. There was a lot of it during last year. My initial mistake was telling her, when she took over store 3 years ago, that I'm waiting to get tested, what my disadvantages are, the risk of meltdown, and how to trigger it, everything. December 2019 we had a new ASM transfered for a a month for training, SM was on holiday, I was told later that that new ASM is well known bully, that always picks the weakest, and continue tormenting him/her everyday, until they move her elsewhere, I was her chosen one. When SM came back from holiday I went to her to help me and ask her to stop, because it is unbearable to work like that, she answered that it is unlikely since that ASM is such a nice person, I did not know that they are friends. She was telling me that for 15min everyday for the next month, despite me saying that I heard it already and despite asking her to stop. It took her a month but I went meldtdown on a shopfloor in front of her, you know how agressive it might appear, and that is how she presented it during disciplinary hearing. Ironic, I told her how to silence myself. Then when covid started, she was using my difficulties with saying 'no' to keep sending me home, for 3 months i was working 10h less then contracted and I had to borrow lots of money for rent. Since then once a week she comes to have a chat, which is very much like the last one every time. She knows I cannot quit. I was over the edge last year, when I ended up without money for rent, first time since failed attempt when I was 15. If I did not get money for rent I might have tried.again.
I have no idea how to deal with situation. What is better to lose a job, or to quit a job? My chances of finding new one, with covid around are zero.