Awaiting initial assessment and terrified of rejection

Hi! Firstly to introduce myself, my name is Faye, I'm 24, and in January of this year I approached my GP for a referral as I believe I am autistic. I have now been given my initial screening assessment for Thursday 12 November, remotely of course, and I'm so terrified of being rejected.

It's incredibly mentally and emotionally taxing to go into great detail about my situation (as I'm sure many of you understand), so I've listed some of the factors that lead me to believe I'm autistic. I'll be going into the assessment armed with these notes so I can elaborate on them, because I know I will freeze like a deer in headlights. This is mostly what I "suffer" with currently and I haven't explored back into childhood yet.

- Issues with regulating emotions and rationalising situations.

- Lack of distinction between attachment and love.

- “Obsessive” interests.

- Issues with cutlery and crockery.

- Sensitivity to noise.

- General dislike of talking/inability to hold a conversation/can appear blunt or “off” when just not wanting to be talked to.

- Need to follow lists for almost everything.

- Need routine and a “plan” for almost everything.

- Lack of understanding of tone/inability to take or understand jokes/sensitivity to change in people’s tone.

- Limited palate/diet/”fear” of trying new food/drink.

- Obsessive counting/mental maths.

- Short-term memory issues but good memory for obscure things e.g. number plates, telephone numbers.

- Scared of the dark and need to sleep with light on.

- Dislike of parties/large groups of people due to social pressure and claustrophobia.

- Separate room required for school and college exams.

- Sometimes struggle to keep mouth shut.

- Almost always need something in hands.

- Obsessive touching.

- Extreme anxiety.

- Extremely angry a lot of the time and not knowing what to do with it.

- Shutdowns often triggered by seemingly menial things.

- Anger at being infantilised.

I think mostly what I'm looking for here is to have a better understanding of what to expect from the assessment, and also some reassurance of my own validity. If I'm rejected I will lose all sense of who I am, just when I thought I was beginning to know. It's been a rollercoaster of a year in so many ways.

Thanks for reading x