Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I am with an aspergers guy and have been for seven years, we are going through a very difficult time due to it. I am stuck at home all day on my own - we have no friends or family in the area, so I never see other people or speak to them. I work online on my computer, but I CANNOT do much because I am physically disabled.
My guy is at work all day and then comes in and does not talk much, when he is at work he is surrounded by loads of people and gets lots of emails texts and phone calls from customers and other workers, when he does talk it ls about the weather, what is on television and all that stuff.
He never ever wants to talk about anything that matters / us.
I told him that I have been getting so bored and lonely that I started to chat on some forums and rang an anxiety helpline.
He has no idea of how bored and lonely I am.
He will not listen about it, he just does not get it. So he finds fault with it saying he cannot understand what the point is to going in the forums or chatting in a chat room.
I am here for maybe eight hours a day bored to tears. That is what the point is. It is better than being more lonely and bored.
I tell hm and he still cannot se it and finds fault.
I am sick of being bored and lonely and sick of him finding fault with me doing what I can about it.
Hello, I work full time, i can easily make time for other things by working less, but it has to be something worthwhile. I own my own business and am very happy with my work. No need to change it.
I am not into groups. I tried them before I became too disabled to go out on my own and they bore me to tears. I would much rather be working and getting paid for my time during the day. IF I had a good friend I would arrange to see her sometimes, but not a group. Please dont say that if I go to groups I might find a friend, I tried all of them. It dos not work. It does not work because all of the people I met expected me to let them just turn up on the doorstep when they were bored and wanted to moan about their problems. Never wanting to invite me around theirs, or socialise when they were happy, always just when miserable. I am not going to go from being a busy successful businesswoman who say clients who paid by appointment to running a drop in centre for bored lonely people who only come around when they have nothing better to do and want to bore me about their latest visit to the doctor for hours.. And always ignoring that I need people to arrange a day and time and not just turn up. The people I met were usually people who did not work at all and had loads of spare time yet they resented arranging a day and time and sticking to it. Many were much too old for me and we had nothing in common. some were inarticulate, uneducated, no job, no prospects and wanting money. IF they could not just turn up when bored they lost interest. FIne. They are selfish. If I wanted people I hardly know to come around I could make appointments to see paying clients here, but I would rather do my work with them online and not have strangers intruding here. Even though those people pay for my time!
I get days where I am quite ill, where I am not up to doing much at all, let alone tidying up and cleaning up for visitors, or sitting there chatting. And on the days I feel well enough i need to be organised. If its a housework day I have to spend that day doing housework , not getting all behind.
I am not looking for suggestions on how to fill my time, I have done that already to the best of my ability. Due to my situation the best I can do is to chat in chat rooms and go on forums during the day inbetween work. Its not great but its better than the day dragging slower and me having less contact with people. I know which forums etc to use, I own my own websites too. I am very well organised. If I needed ideas on how to fill my time it would make more sense to talk to hubby, he at least knows me and my background and the area.
My guy is very sociable and loves being with people. As I said he does that all day at work. He runs a club. He is often on the phone in the evening with these people or his family. He has lots of contact with other people and loves it.
We go out sometimes when he is not too tired - he starts work very early and it is very physically demanding, he is also 65 - I dont expect him to take me out a lot, when we do go out it is shopping or something, which is fine by me. We dont have friends or family in the area so it cant be anything else.
The reason I posted was not for suggestions in how to fill my time - you are talking to a woman who was managing director of a big business with a lot of staff, I had three secretaries/ personal assistants. I was getting down because I was doing the best I can - i.le. chatting on forums/chat rooms when bored and lonely and alone, yet aspergery partner finding fault with it. Despite the fact he gets more contact with other people in a day than I do in a month.
IF I tell him that I posted on this forum and you replied and I thanked you and replied to you he will say what was the point? It was a waste of time. That person cannot help you at all. He doesnt accept that it meant I had an interesting 30 mins and had some contact from someone and it improved the day that way.
In our area it is easy to go out evenings. But remember I am disabled and cannot get out without him. If I could i would do far better than groups of the unemployed and penniless. I would be running a successful business and talking to clients who I have more in common with.
Our evenings and weekends are sorted.
My job etc and hobbies are sorted. I write. It is what I do for a living and love doing. I have just had another book published. Idont need to go on forums for advice about it, most of the others there are amateurs and I am the only professional. It becomes boring then, I really do not want to go there just to advise everyone else.
i want to interact with people about normal life and other things as me, not work all the time. Hence the chat rooms and other forums.
I simply wanted him to stop going on about what a waste of time it is to go in chat rooms or forums when I am at home on my own, bored and lonely , for at least eight hours most days. He keeps on abo0ut how it is pointless because it has no end result. He often chooses to chats to someone for an hour just for the sake of a chat. It is the same thing. Only he has already had hours of talking to and seeing other people earlier that day. in my case because I am disabled and on my own stuck at home a lot I have more time to fill so need to do it more. In his case he will chatter away to someone for an hour and then realise that means he got behind with something important, which i think is daft. He does not get that.