Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I am with an aspergers guy and have been for seven years, we are going through a very difficult time due to it. I am stuck at home all day on my own - we have no friends or family in the area, so I never see other people or speak to them. I work online on my computer, but I CANNOT do much because I am physically disabled.
My guy is at work all day and then comes in and does not talk much, when he is at work he is surrounded by loads of people and gets lots of emails texts and phone calls from customers and other workers, when he does talk it ls about the weather, what is on television and all that stuff.
He never ever wants to talk about anything that matters / us.
I told him that I have been getting so bored and lonely that I started to chat on some forums and rang an anxiety helpline.
He has no idea of how bored and lonely I am.
He will not listen about it, he just does not get it. So he finds fault with it saying he cannot understand what the point is to going in the forums or chatting in a chat room.
I am here for maybe eight hours a day bored to tears. That is what the point is. It is better than being more lonely and bored.
I tell hm and he still cannot se it and finds fault.
I am sick of being bored and lonely and sick of him finding fault with me doing what I can about it.
That's a difficult situation and there aren't really any easy answers due to current Government restrictions.
If you're not working full time during the day is there scope to go to a local coffee morning or other form of 'outside gathering for people in isolation'? My village has a couple of those.
Are evenings out possible? Pubs tend to be quiet these days and even if you're in an area that doesn't currently permit mingling you can at least enjoy the social environment. It might help him focus on chatting to you too.
As an Aspergers person he may not like the sensory overload and forced sociality of pubs, but they're quieter than normal now, or find one with a quiet eating area.
He may also be seeking respite at home, needing to recharge internally and recover from the stresses of being at work. I need an hour or two to myself after a day at work before I'm fit for human company again, so is that potentially an issue?
I don't see any issues in you engaging in forums or a chat room. I'd suggest finding ones associated with your hobbies (e.g. photography or writing or whatever else you do for fun) as that gives you an automatic shared interest to chat about, and also makes it an adult conversation that isn't about sex (which is sadly the topic of many chat rooms that aren't directly about something else). That also gives you conversation points for your partner, around the things you've learned or are trying as a result of those hobbies, which is safer than difficult emotional conversations.
Those need to happen too but I can't offer help on that point.