30, Female, recently diagnosed autistic and returning to university!

Hi all, 

This year I finally plucked up the courage to return to university having left higher education 9 years ago with a Foundation Degree. During this time I have had a number of jobs in fairly corporate organisations as a marketing manager. Having fallen into marketing I never really knew how to get out which is what has led me to finalise my degree to create new opportunities. As part of my plans I decided to get a disabled student assessment done to ascertain whether I struggled with any form of Dyslexia. The result of which identified diagnoses of both Dyslexia and Dyscalculia. I was also asked to return for further assessment into possible Complex Neurodevelopmental Disorders which identified ASD.

I have welcomed my diagnoses and my family have been very supportive but it has come as a bit of a shock. I can’t help feeling immensely frustrated to only be learning of these diagnoses now. I have always put my differences and resulting conflicts with people down to bad luck, wrong place at the wrong time, kind of stuff. At times I have even decided it was just me that I was somehow unlikeable and unfriendly. Or maybe even perhaps the rest of the world is too mean and me too sensitive. Either way I have often felt I was on one side and everyone else the other, each side present but experiencing and seeing the world from different perspectives. I often find I have a way of making men around me defensive as if they feel somehow threatened. While women on the other hand seem to feel judged by me, as if they are reading something into what I say or how I say it that I know is not there. I dislike small talk, detest banter and find gossip distasteful and mean. I guess when you are unable to participate in such "normal" conversational fluff it is easy to feel on the outside. I guess I have always felt I have had to work ten times harder than others to get on in life and perhaps now I understand why. So why is it that it doesn’t feel any easier, if knowledge is power then why do I not feel empowered. 

I am not entirely sure what I am hoping for in writing this but at the moment having just started university it does feel like I am going through this steep learning curve alone. Despite my university attempting to understand and offering me support I keep hearing phrases like "you just need to learn to calm down" - "relax, give yourself a break" - "be more flexible" - "everyone is on the spectrum in one way or another" - "everyone experiences that in different degrees". When someone says something like this to me it feels hollow, meaningless, empty and patronising. Not to mention the fact that it seems to trivialise something that to me is very difficult, complex and challenging and all this coming from those who are there to “help” me.

So I guess that's why I am here. I am hoping to speak to other women who can relate to my experience and perhaps are even a few years ahead of me and can shed some light on what’s to come. How do I make sense of this without feeling defined by it? How can I find strategies to avoid the conflicts that seem to repeat themselves? How do I learn to manage my anxiety? How can I help myself so I feel less helpless?

Parents
  • Hi there.

    I am also studying after a break - sudying psychology. 

    I studied biology way back when, but really struggled going into work after that and I've identified a lot of the problems I had were due to my autism. 

    coincidentally just after my diagnosis I started working at a unit for children with autism.  While working there I decide to study psyhchology, so I can get even more involved with helping to make the education system (and other systems) better for people with different neurotypes. 

    "Everyone is on the spectrum" is something I hear a lot too.  I think it's an attempt to make you feel less alone, but unfortunately it just minimises the difficulties. 

    If I can, I try to use these times as opportunities to educate - telling people how it makes you feel can help that person to be better next time they encounter someone with autism.  It can be really infuriating when bodies who's whol

    Sometimes I am unable to because I'm upset or struggling, and that's ok too.

Reply
  • Hi there.

    I am also studying after a break - sudying psychology. 

    I studied biology way back when, but really struggled going into work after that and I've identified a lot of the problems I had were due to my autism. 

    coincidentally just after my diagnosis I started working at a unit for children with autism.  While working there I decide to study psyhchology, so I can get even more involved with helping to make the education system (and other systems) better for people with different neurotypes. 

    "Everyone is on the spectrum" is something I hear a lot too.  I think it's an attempt to make you feel less alone, but unfortunately it just minimises the difficulties. 

    If I can, I try to use these times as opportunities to educate - telling people how it makes you feel can help that person to be better next time they encounter someone with autism.  It can be really infuriating when bodies who's whol

    Sometimes I am unable to because I'm upset or struggling, and that's ok too.

Children
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