Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, my name is April, I’m 38 and I have been recently diagnosed with high functioning autism (June this year). I’m a mum to 2 boys (5 and 6 years old) and I also have a very supportive partner who is also on the spectrum. We also suspect that both of our boys are on the spectrum too.
I have suffered with depression and anxiety since the age of 16 and I always knew that something was “off” about me. To begin with I thought that it was bipolar, but quickly realised that I didn’t fit the criteria for that, I was told by a mental health nurse that I probably have BPD a few years ago, but was told “but we won’t worry about that” and they wanted to discharge me from the service straight away, luckily I fought against it and spent another couple of years under a mental health team, who really tried their hardest to help me, but nothing ever sat right with me. I tried various CBT related activities and mindfulness activities but I just didn’t “get it” (that’s happens a lot with me), and I finally got to speak to a psychiatrist in June and thats when she diagnosed me with high functioning autism (funnily enough my partner has always believed that I have it). I am very happy with my diagnosis as I finally (sort of) know why I am the way I am.
I do struggle badly with understanding me though, I struggle with not knowing my emotions and not understanding why.....I don’t know if anyone gets that....the amount of times I say “I don’t get it” is unbelievable now lol!! I used to just mask it and meltdown now I actually admit that I don’t get things (still meltdown though lol). I also struggle when I meltdown and I don’t know why, earlier today I’ve had a couple of meltdowns but I don’t know why....I think that I may have become overwhelmed at some point but I don’t know why.
I’m also struggling to understand why there is no support available where I live for adults with an asd, we haven’t been able to find anything.
Sorry for rabbiting on, I can do that sometimes lol!!
Anyway thanks for taking the time for reading this, hope that I haven’t bored anyone too much!!
oh my goodness i relate so much to always having felt like something is off and wondering if i’m bipolar or borderline.. i got my diagnosis today and it feels like a relief to finally understand why i am the way i am. it’s so difficult for me to understand my emotions as well and i’m also very annoyed at how little support there is for autistic adults ):