hello

Hi there,

I'm Autistic. I don't know what level I am as that wasn't ever said to me at the time, so maybe it wasn't a thing at that point? However no matter what I'm diagnosed with I'm still a beautiful human being, just like everyone else. Even if not everyone agrees with that. I think what we have, conditions and illnesses helps define us as people and makes us unique and special. I didn't always feel that way. I remember many times crying, wishing I could cure myself, but I've since learnt to live and love myself and now I never feel saddened by the Autism or who I am.

Life hasn't been very easy for a long time for me. I've been trying to juggle becoming an adult and trying to make a name for myself in this world and support my depressed and sickly family. I better control my emotions and anxiety now. The anxiety can still be debilitating and takes a few days to recover after an attack but generally I appreciate how precious life and my time here is so I try to make the best of family and life itself. I've been abandoning my comfort zones a lot more. Last year I had a few heart problems, only 20 years old so was pretty terrified and still am a bit but its made me realise how lucky I am and how I need to make every second of my life count. So since then I have done just that. I've been working so hard to make things happen and better for myself. I usually can't stand the feel of my hands when I'm washing my hair but I'm making myself do it now and it seems to be making it easier. I've also been trying new things -- I've been learning to dance. I can't afford lessons so I'm studying, reading and watching everything and it's working. I do all this then let my grey cells get to work and I learn and learn. I'd say I'm average at the moment but well on my way to being really good. In the past I've been told being Autistic means I won't become anything but I disagree wholeheartedly. Anyone CAN do any thing! I believe that if you keep trying and believing that you eventually will do what you want to. We all have it within us to be what we want to be. That's what I think anyway. I don't get a lot of support from my family and friends but that isn't going to stop me.  I personally want to be a good person and make a difference to the world and the people and creatures who live and walk upon it. I want to make it a better place and when my poor heart does take her last beat I want to ensure I've left the world better than when I first arrived.

I'm working so hard to improve myself and make me a better person. I've tried cooking -- that was a complete disaster lol, but at least I tried and I've also been learning yoga and meditation. I tried to drink herbal tea as well which tasted foul to me but I thought I'd continue drinking it to keep my body and heart healthy, very important for my heart. I feel like a ship at sea going full speed, heading for the horizon, not knowing the destination but just going for it anyway. I know what I want from life and I fully intend to make all my dreams and goals happen and succeed.

I've made this waaaaaaayyyyy to look for an introduction so I'll stop now Sorry for the lengthy text, you don't have to read it all.