Hello and rambling

Hello, my name is Jamie but I go by Captain online. I am 24 years old and live in North Wales. I was recently diagnosed with autism and it is something I am struggling with, I will go into more detail.

I've grown on the internet, playing online games where autistic people are generally perceived to be screachy overgrown toddlers incapable of any social grace. Imagine my surprise where in 2019 I was told to attend an assessment for Autism. I figured I'd ace the assessment there is no way in hell I'm autistic. Turns out in most of the criteria for the assessment I scored as Significantly autistic. What a blow. I have since done a lot of research on autism, spoken to a great variety of people who suffer with autism and have come to understand the spectrum a little more. There are still holes in my understanding however. For instance, I do not know where I fall on the spectrum. 
Socially, I am capable, even if it takes a lot of effort. I read so much about autistic people who cant speak, let alone form relationships. I like to think I am graceful in conversation, even if I try to my hardest to avoid it. I like meeting new people, even though its hard and it has to be on my terms.
The problem Im having is that the more I research autism, the more I realise what other aspects of autism effect me. I have since discovered that compared to other adults my age, I am practically broken. I cant hold myself up in public, I dont go out of the house because everything scares me, I cannot manage money, diet or time. 

I have two pets, a red eyed tree frog and a crested gecko. As far as responsibility goes, they require constant maintenance. Managing humidity, temperature, lighting, a complex diet requiring supplemental calcium and multivitamins. It's a whole lot of stuff to care for two tiny fragile animals. What i've come to realise is that I can manage them easily. I cannot however manage myself. It comes down to lack of self control, lack of time management, lack of interest. 

Currently I live with my parents, however come the end of lockdown that is something I want to address. I would like to move out into my own flat somewhere. I recognise the challenges that will come with this, however I recognise the opportunity for self growth. Something I have started looking into is the possibility for supported housing as an intermediate step.

I have two friends, my best friend Lowri who I think is sick of me and my problems and my new friend Stephen who is equally sick of me and my problems. I try to be easy to get along with. Truthfully, I hate being that one friend who is high maintenance. Some times I wish I didnt have any friends, I suck at keeping them and never know what Im meant to do. Other times I wish I had more friends, I get lonely a lot. 

Something else I was diagnosed with recently was ADHD. that is a diagnosis I have accepted easily. it explains soooo much about my life. I cant watch more than 15 minutes of any shows or movies, I get bored of video games within minutes if I dont have anyone to play with. the only thing I can sit down and do without distraction is watch simple short youtube videos. its nice to have a name for that, I know that theres therapies and medications available for ADHD and its not just me. 

I have rambled a lot and Im not sure I've been very clear with my introduction. It takes me a long time to write something like this and its never done in one sitting which is why it might not be as straight forward an address as it should be. thank you for reading.