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Hello from a newbie waiting for a diagnosis

Pen Fold
over 4 years ago

Hi

I am new member to the forum, although I am no stranger to the NAS website. I am 49 years old and was referred by my GP for a diagnosis last September, so I guess I am in for a quite a wait, which no doubt will be further extended due to the coronavirus pandemic.

I have always felt different, and always thought of myself as being odd, but as you grow up, you tend to comply with what is expected of you and just suck it up and carry on. I suffer with bouts of depression and anxiety/panic which come and go in waves, but looking back on my life, the worst episodes all seem to have occurred at times in my life when I have been placed in situations for lenghty periods, which I am not comfortable with. I've never been a people person, and quite frankly, I am happier when I am on my own.

I have completed the AQ test which was linked to from this website, and scored fairly high for autism due to my traits, so I know in myself that I am different, and I am proud to be so. However, I experience the following. Is this normal, as sometimes I feel that I am going mad?

  • I get ideas in my head that I must be making the traits up, so I am full of self-doubt, even though I know deep down that I experience these things
  • I struggle with people understanding how I feel, and that they just don't believe me
  • I feel that I live in a different world to others, and that it doesn't how much I speak, nobody is listening to me
  • I suffer from OCD, but others look at me as though I am strange
  • I struggle with being with other people for periods of time, even if it is family, and I am sure that people think I am being antisocial

I could go on and on, but these are the main problems I encounter along with the other challenges that I have.

I look forward to reading about other peoples' experiences on these forums, and hope that I can get some reassurance myself from like-minded individuals.

All the best

Pen Fold

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    Hello Pen Fold,

    Welcome to the group mate. I didn’t use your actual name because apparently they don’t like us to share our real names with others. It’s a security thing I guess. I changed my profile name the other day. Getting back to your post, I can relate to a lot of what you said. I feel if I start talking about my issues regarding why I feel I’m on the autistic spectrum, I feel people just won’t take me seriously. I think it’s because like you say, after years of masking certain traits, most people don’t see anything majorly different about me. But I feel it on the inside. I know I don’t think or feel the same way as a lot of people around me, friends, family, work colleagues etc... I know quite a few people, and pretty much all of them seem to have a drive inside of them, to be sociable. Be around each other having a laugh and a joke, going out and all meeting up etc.. I’m not like that at all. Even if there was an event coming up that I couldn’t get out of, like a wedding for example. I would be dreading going to it, even if I know it’s a year away. I just don’t have the desire to be chatty and sociable. That’s just one example of why I feel different from others around me. There’s others as well. Anyway, sorry for the rant. Welcome to the group Thumbsup

Reply
  • over 4 years ago

    Hello Pen Fold,

    Welcome to the group mate. I didn’t use your actual name because apparently they don’t like us to share our real names with others. It’s a security thing I guess. I changed my profile name the other day. Getting back to your post, I can relate to a lot of what you said. I feel if I start talking about my issues regarding why I feel I’m on the autistic spectrum, I feel people just won’t take me seriously. I think it’s because like you say, after years of masking certain traits, most people don’t see anything majorly different about me. But I feel it on the inside. I know I don’t think or feel the same way as a lot of people around me, friends, family, work colleagues etc... I know quite a few people, and pretty much all of them seem to have a drive inside of them, to be sociable. Be around each other having a laugh and a joke, going out and all meeting up etc.. I’m not like that at all. Even if there was an event coming up that I couldn’t get out of, like a wedding for example. I would be dreading going to it, even if I know it’s a year away. I just don’t have the desire to be chatty and sociable. That’s just one example of why I feel different from others around me. There’s others as well. Anyway, sorry for the rant. Welcome to the group Thumbsup

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