Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there.
My name is Martin. I'm a 35 year old Security Guard from Southampton and I suffer heavily with depression and anxiety but no level of help with these have ever seemed to work. I spoke with all manner of doctors. Psychiatrists. All sorts. Nothing seems to help clean things up.
I've spoke with my GP and a referral has been made to an adult autism clinic for assessment but as many of you may know this takes a good while.
I just want to feel normal as this behaviour and way I often feel is effecting both my home life, where I'm a husband and a father to 5 amazing kids, also my work life, this is effected in a very different way because people don't often enjoy people being very blunt shall we say. In both I often speak way before I have given what I'm about to say any thought.
I guess I'm the same as many of you really just looking for some answers to try and allow myself time to heal and learn to live with whatever it is that causes these problems I face.
Sorry if you've read this and think what's the point but I've never really found a platform to speak freely without judgement.
Thank you for reading.
Martin.
Hi and welcome.
Many people on the spectrum suffer with depression, and I believe we all suffer with anxiety. Sometimes just knowing it's not just you that it happens to can help a bit. Of course non autistic people also suffer with these issues, but it's my belief that standard psychiatric approaches and counseling more often fail with AS people. I can't tell you why for certain, I can only tell you a bit about my own limited experience.
A few years ago I realised I could be autistic. The prompt for this was seeing a documentary featuring a woman who was autistic and worked as a trainer, giving presentations about autism. I looked at this woman being interviewed after finishing a presentation and realised I could"read" her - I could clearly see her anxiety, the way it emotionally drained her having to talk to people she was unfamiliar with and her need to get away and recuperate.
Shortly after this I had a difficult time at work and was suffering with stress and anxiety which led to a few days of being so depressed I could not work and needing to consult a GP. The surgery were very kind and got a doctor experienced in mental health to call me to talk about it. He recommended trying to keep to a routine and trying to get out for some fresh air each day, even if I didn't feel I could go very far, and it might sound silly but concentrating on achieving simple tasks like getting dressed was better than sitting around going over and over things in my head. He also recommended CBT but after researching it I decided that it was not for me. I may be wrong, but from what I have read CBT is based on the concept that negative thoughts and feelings can trap you in a vicious cycle, and problems are broken down into thoughts, feelings and actions. But I didn't have negative thoughts, the only way I could have described my feelings at the time was "I feel bad" (but not that I thought I was a bad person, but that life itself felt "bad" or "wrong") and as for actions, all I could say was that I didn't understand some of the actions of other people. Also I was sent a questionnaire which I would have had to take with me if I had decided to go ahead with the therapy, and the questions seemed to be aimed at people who had a poor self image - I couldn't have answered yes to many of them and so it would probably have appeared that I wasn't depressed, even though I was feeling lost, desolate and wanting to cry a lot.
Since researching autism, I have come to realise that my anxiety is caused by sensory or emotional overloads and I have learned to try to anticipate triggers and work around them as best as I can. The not understanding some people is partly because my brain doesn't work the same way as theirs does, so I researched the differences between Aspies (short for people with Asperger's) and NTs (neurotypical, or non autistic people) to help me understand their behaviours better.
There is loads of information on the internet and lots of friendly helpful people on this website. Ask us whatever you want.
Thank you. So much of this reads true. I think I should spend more time researching and attempting to better understand what is going on.
I appreciate your time