This is quite hard

Hi there. 

My name is Martin. I'm a 35 year old Security Guard from Southampton and I suffer heavily with depression and anxiety but no level of help with these have ever seemed to work. I spoke with all manner of doctors. Psychiatrists. All sorts. Nothing seems to help clean things up. 

I've spoke with my GP and a referral has been made to an adult autism clinic for assessment but as many of you may know this takes a good while. 

I just want to feel normal as this behaviour and way I often feel is effecting both my home life, where I'm a husband and a father to 5 amazing kids, also my work life, this is effected in a very different way because people don't often enjoy people being very blunt shall we say. In both I often speak way before I have given what I'm about to say any thought.

I guess I'm the same as many of you really just looking for some answers to try and allow myself time to heal and learn to live with whatever it is that causes these problems I face. 

Sorry if you've read this and think what's the point but I've never really found a platform to speak freely without judgement. 

Thank you for reading. 

Martin.