Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, I am new to this and with everything Covid 19 related I am feeling fairly lost in the system. I was referred by my GP back in October 2019 and still haven’t heard anything back. My doctors have said the referral is in the system but these things can take time and obviously with all that is going on at the moment I am unlikely to get any answers anytime soon.
I had a complete breakdown at the start of last year I had come to my breaking point and exploded at work. I was lucky to have a service provided by my company where I was able to access some counselling and that started me on the path to getting an assessment.
Lockdown for me hasn’t so far been a concern, I had just moved jobs at the end of February. I knew the workplace and environment I was in was adding to the way I was feeling and I needed to get out. I had an outburst on one of my last shifts which left me obsessing over it when I got home to the point I had a sever headache for 2 days and then on my last shift I ended up throwing up all over the hallway and I knew then I should take a week off before starting a new job as I wasn’t coping with the change at all. Starting the new job was tough and in my 2 week review I was honest and told my manager how I was feeling and where I had been as this is a job I can see myself in and happily doing (as long as I don’t take on anything else outside of work I seem to manage) after the 3rd week lockdown came and I was then working from home - even better! That took all the stress of travelling and facing the day but still getting to do the job. Then I got furloughed and I am enjoying staying at home doing puzzles, being in the garden and having no stress.
My concern is when the lockdown gets lifted and I have to start to face all those challenges again. My manager seems to be very understanding and easy going but I have made it clear I haven’t been diagnosed and have just said where I seem to struggle/work well with. I have thought this could be a possibility for many years and have always known I didn’t quite fit in no matter how hard I tried. Childhood and Teenage years are always tough and I think it’s been very easy to find all kinds of reasons to blame some of my behaviour over the years but more so since i have entered the workplace it’s been a lot harder for me to cope with. I think I will always have struggles at work and everything that comes with it but it’s when I have tried to have other relationships weather it be a boyfriend or friends then that’s when things really start to get on top of me.
I am not in crisis and know I am not an urgent case and wondered how long other adults have waited to get an assessment/diagnosis and did it help? I don’t believe it will change anything for me but may help me and others understand why I struggle with certain foods, why I won’t wear certain clothes, how I can’t cope with loud noises, why I struggle with temperature change (on holiday if a tiny cloud comes over the sun I have instant goosebumps all over), why I mumble or repeat myself a lot without meaning too, why I micromanage my day (I’ll plan not just the week away but each day to each hour) I know where I’ve got to be and when and why. I’m hoping with work it will let me take the pressure off myself when it comes to presentations and meeting new partners, how do you tell your manager when you meet someone new you have the sweat trickling down you feeling the heat rise to the top of your head and your heart pumping out of your chest. Now he has an idea I struggle so far he’s not made me meet anyone alone he’s always been there to make that easier. I think he’s seen enough in the 3 weeks to see what I have said for himself and my conversation with him confirmed that thought anyway. I know I am very good at what I do as long as I know what I need to do and I’m able to get on with it.
I know the panic for most at the moment is the here and now and the troubles they are having during this crisis but I wondered if anyone had any thoughts/ideas for me for when it comes to after the lockdown and the best way to move forward?
Don’t worry about delays in the system - even without coronavirus there can be very long waiting lists for assessments - Surrey/ Hampshire borders is often up to 12 months and I hear London can be longer. I know that on one level isn’t great news but what I’m getting at is there is no need to worry at this stage. Me personally, I was first referred for assessment in 2014... I’m still waiting but there were some really specific circumstances with my case which created this delay. But it is common for people to wait a year. If I can help in any way or if you just want to chat free to send me a message :)
Thanks, that’s good to know. It’s been hard not having any update and when I have gone to other services like healthy minds they have advised chasing up the assessment and accessing services provided through that as they don’t feel that at the moment with everything that is going on and no face to face sessions that they are the best option for me and have also written to my GP saying this.
it’s hard not to feel in limbo at the moment it’s work that is my concern, I’m not a sociable person anyway and this lockdown has eased a lot of the pressure I was feeling with going to work, I don’t want to come out of lockdown and within a few weeks of returning to work feel like I’m starting to drown with it all again. I suppose it’s trying to find ways to make that easier for me and without an official diagnosis it’s harder to ask for help at work and I put a lot of pressure on myself to not let it get to me which makes me over think at the same time.
its a viscous cycle but I’m hoping I will be able to manage and do what I can until I am able to get that confirmation.
Being in limbo is never nice, it sounds like me that you really need certainty. I don’t know what to recommend really other than once the lockdown is over maybe try to make contact and see what the status of your referral is. In the meantime, try not to let it eat away at you, because that’s what it did to me initially but I think I’m more calm these days even though uncertainty remains.
I’m glad you are feeling much better :) if I can help in any way or if you just wanted a chat, feel free to drop me a message - my account settings let anyone message me :)