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newly diagnosed 20 years too late- and I'm confused.

20yrs2late
over 4 years ago

Hi everyone. I'm 20 years old and have just been diagnosed with ASD (Aspergers).

I have never been 'normal'. I'm too clever and capable while also totally socially inept. I've had meltdowns all my life. I often regress into a younger version of myself and loose my communication if I am anxious. I can't deal with change or new situations. I flap and stim. I had a dummy and sucked my thumb until I was 12. My senses are crazy heightened, the way I see the world is different and this has always been the case. Why. Why when its soooo obvious - Why did no-one 'see' me? 

I deserve an oscar for my masking skills, but I wasn't always this good. Before the teasing and berating from my family about my 'stupid, silly, childish' behaviour (e.g. stimming, having meltdowns, my 'baby voice') I was just weird quirky little me. How did the teachers miss it? How did GPs etc miss it?

I don't really understand- I feel confused and frustrated and sad and angry. I have managed to cope with some incredible trials, that perhaps if I'd been diagnosed I wouldn't have managed, purely due to not building up the survival skills. But I don't want to live my life 'coping'. And genuinely- that is an accurate representation- coping, copying and pasting, imitating, surviving. 

Anyone have some advice? Resources you think I may find helpful? Gone through a similar thing? 

Thanks <3

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    I feel your pain as by now you will have developed many coping strategies.  I guess your best bet is to maybe get some CBT sessions with a Physcologist ( although there's bound to be a long waiting list unless you can go private). I know that my son received some counselling (private but was quite a reasonable rate) for an hour once a week. It has helped him coping with being away at University.

    Theres are probably resources available in your area that are provided on this site. (In our case there is also Hampshire Austim, but maybe a county organisation in your area?)

Reply
  • over 4 years ago

    I feel your pain as by now you will have developed many coping strategies.  I guess your best bet is to maybe get some CBT sessions with a Physcologist ( although there's bound to be a long waiting list unless you can go private). I know that my son received some counselling (private but was quite a reasonable rate) for an hour once a week. It has helped him coping with being away at University.

    Theres are probably resources available in your area that are provided on this site. (In our case there is also Hampshire Austim, but maybe a county organisation in your area?)

Children
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