Hello everyone. The penny has dropped.

Hi everyone, I know you may think the last bit of my sentence sounds rather ominous. Rest assured it's not. I've watched Youtubers and people in news articles talk about autism but I never gave it much thought until I realised the penny had dropped and all this time I myself might be autistic. I'm in my late twenties and overall I'm somewhat shy but only when I'm around people I hardly know. I need to spend a long time with someone before I can really be myself. Sometimes I suppress my true self. Several months ago, I was stressed out at work to the point I was crying. I made a self referral to a advice service to cope with my stress. I did some self reflection on my life at that time and certain aspects of my childhood and adult life alludes to me being on the spectrum. I haven't had an official diagnosis.

I was sort of in denial but then it dawned on me that it was the facade I have put up to try and blend in. This is not something I can discuss with my mum because she's not very understanding. She got so angry on one occasion when I was 14 when I told her I was seeing a learning mentor but in actual fact it was a debating club which was being run by a learning mentor.

Between the ages of 4 - 7 I had to see a speech therapist as I struggled to talk properly. Back then my grandmother said I had a heavy tongue. Actually it was a stammer (which I still have on very rare occasions to this day). At school I used to talk to the other kids but I felt invisible as if what I said was ignored. I did make some friends but nothing really lasted. From then on I think I put up the barrier and facade until I was at university when I read an article about indigo children and it shared similarities with me. At university I made some lifelong friends and these friendships have lasted this long because of the things I have in common with them.

I know this message isn't structured well. Normally I write better than this but I wanted to share just a few parts of my life and get some thoughts from other people on the forum.

Thank you and I hope to discuss this further with you all and try to find out whether I should be officially diagnosed or just remain as I am. Without knowing for certain is leaving me scratching my head and worrying though.