Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I know you may think the last bit of my sentence sounds rather ominous. Rest assured it's not. I've watched Youtubers and people in news articles talk about autism but I never gave it much thought until I realised the penny had dropped and all this time I myself might be autistic. I'm in my late twenties and overall I'm somewhat shy but only when I'm around people I hardly know. I need to spend a long time with someone before I can really be myself. Sometimes I suppress my true self. Several months ago, I was stressed out at work to the point I was crying. I made a self referral to a advice service to cope with my stress. I did some self reflection on my life at that time and certain aspects of my childhood and adult life alludes to me being on the spectrum. I haven't had an official diagnosis.
I was sort of in denial but then it dawned on me that it was the facade I have put up to try and blend in. This is not something I can discuss with my mum because she's not very understanding. She got so angry on one occasion when I was 14 when I told her I was seeing a learning mentor but in actual fact it was a debating club which was being run by a learning mentor.
Between the ages of 4 - 7 I had to see a speech therapist as I struggled to talk properly. Back then my grandmother said I had a heavy tongue. Actually it was a stammer (which I still have on very rare occasions to this day). At school I used to talk to the other kids but I felt invisible as if what I said was ignored. I did make some friends but nothing really lasted. From then on I think I put up the barrier and facade until I was at university when I read an article about indigo children and it shared similarities with me. At university I made some lifelong friends and these friendships have lasted this long because of the things I have in common with them.
I know this message isn't structured well. Normally I write better than this but I wanted to share just a few parts of my life and get some thoughts from other people on the forum.
Thank you and I hope to discuss this further with you all and try to find out whether I should be officially diagnosed or just remain as I am. Without knowing for certain is leaving me scratching my head and worrying though.
Hi, welcome to the forum! I'm new here and was diagnosed at 30 (I'm now 32). I feel that my diagnosis was a very positive experience long-term. It was a journey but now with the increased self-knowledge I am less afraid of approaching people to start conversations as I am more willing to show people my 'real voice' and the way I actually speak, instead of rehearsing sentences beforehand. I learned recently that I have a stammer if I allow myself to try to speak to people without any rehearsal! :) I hope you don't mind me commenting, as it is a very personal decision that is different for everyone and I don't want to impose a particular viewpoint, but my experience of a diagnosis was that the waiting list for one on the NHS takes a while and it was over a year and a half for me to get one, by which time I had already gone privately. It may be worth getting on the list even if you're not sure if you'd pursue a diagnosis formally, just to get the ball rolling, and then cancel if you change your mind. Another possible advantage of a diagnosis is workplace support, as since disclosing to my closest colleagues I have been getting assistance that I didn't consciously realise I needed a few years ago and I have been a lot happier and felt more able to include myself as my 'real self'. It's a very personal decision though. I hope you don't mind me giving my thoughts around it, and hope you are okay. Do let me know if you'd like to discuss anything
Hi, thank you for welcoming me. That's great it was a positive experience for you. I heard it does take a while on the NHS which has put me off pursuing the diagnosis but I didn't consider going private. Where would you begin with going private? Local medical organisation or GP? Do you have any suggestions?
I do have a work colleague who I know will understand this but I didn't believe I could talk to them for some reason.
Of course I don't mind you sharing your thoughts and opinions. Thank you for replying to me.
No problem at all. I think my dad found the name of a lady who carries out private diagnoses in my part of the country, by searching on the NAS website here for diagnostic services: //www.autism.org.uk/directory.aspx. I emailed her for advice and she replied with the cost and process. It didn't take long from then until the assessment, I think it was maybe a matter of weeks or a few months later. I think your GP may also be able to refer you to a private service