Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello - my daughter had her assessment yesterday and it was confirmed she has ASD (apologies if I get the terms wrong, am very new to this!). In many ways it feels a relief that hopefully now we may be able to get a little support for her and learn strategies on how to help, but in others it feels quite overwhelming. I feel dreadful that it’s only now it’s been recognised and I didn’t realise as she was growing up.
my hope for her is that she will go to uni, start a career and find a loving relationship (not necessarily in that order!) - does anyone here have experience of supporting their child at this stage of their life? :)
Hi
My daughter was diagnosed nearly a year ago when she was 15, so we're gearing up for the stage your daughter's at.
We have both found the validation and information which came from the diagnosis to be very positive; it has helped us both make sense of so many things. I too felt very guilty at having not recognised the signs especially after years of going from one psychologist / psychiatrist to another, but don't feel bad about it - you're now in a great position to help your daughter :-)
There are good days and bad days of course, but whereas before a lot of the difficulties seemed irrational, now we can talk things through in a logical sense. I let my daughter talk (sometimes for hours) about how she perceives social situations and her future plans and validate her anxiety / celebrate her enjoyment of things - often just being listened to seems to really help her to clarify what's going on.
She has her own bank account now and I help her to set a budget. She decided to follow a vegetarian diet and with a lot of encouragement I've gradually persuaded her to find recipes which are simple but nutritious and which she's willing to cook; this was a real battle at first but she's become quite confident at this. Anything involving having to interact with people in shops, cafe's etc can sometimes trigger anxiety, but we've worked a lot on how to use some appropriate conversation starters and body language to help with this and she's noticed a difference in how people respond. She also uses the same techniques to help with people she doesn't know so well at school.
Focusing on the strengths which we always knew she had and which are mentioned in her diagnosis report has had a very positive impact on her. she's always excelled in certain subjects (everything except Maths & Science!) but when I explained to the school the negative impact which autism has on her self-confidence, her teachers made a point of explicitly explaining how good her work is, using the marking criteria to back this up. It made a massive difference to her approach to academics, and she is now 100% focused on getting top grades to get into Uni. Next year we'll go to some open days - some Unis hold special events for autistic students, so this is worth checking out. We arranged a private visit to the college where she'll do 'A' Levels as she couldn't imagine what it would be like. Talking one to one with some of the lecturers who'll teach her seemed to settle her. She was worried about what clothes to wear as there's no uniform and she's into 1950's clothes - this seemed funny to me at first but when I realised that it was stressing her, I suggested an appointment with a personal shopper in a department store. She had no idea they even existed and is excited about going!
Finally, we have found the book 'Living Well on the Spectrum' by Valerie L Gaus to be very helpful in breaking down each aspect of the challenges which people with ASD face. It has lots of resources which you could work through together. I find that practicing things which involve social interaction i.e. visits to college, personal shopper etc. first with me builds her confidence to do things independently, but of course everyone's different. I hope at least some of this is helpful to you.
Best of luck!