Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone!
Firstly may I apologize beforehand - I am not sure if everything I'm writing here is in the right place (I would research more but please understand my stress levels and depression are effecting me quite a lot). Also - I do not have an official diagnosis just yet - but there appears to be a lot of supporting evidence that I might be autistic - however if I am not, my sincerest apologies for wasting your time.
I am a british born chinese 19 year old computer science student who has not yet been formally diagnosed - but am waiting on the nhs. The reason I believe I may have autism are threefold: Firstly - mental health professionals all seem to spot traits that indicate autism, Secondly - My one best friend who is autistic also said that he thought I was autistic and finally, through my own research - although there were traits that did not exactly match up I also found a lot of relatable content and traits: stimming, meltdowns, specific interests etc.
I have been struggling with depression for an extremely long time now. I've been bullied up until I started university, but even now - I find it so hard to make and maintain friendships and enjoy life. I really need help and support but I don't know how to get it. I've already asked for an assessment, but that could take ages before it happens. I am honestly in a very bad place atm (mentally) having had two suicide attempts and agonizing chronic pain. I've recently had some traumatic incidences which lead to me losing a lot of things (friends, accommodation, possessions etc.) Please could someone reach out to me and tell me what to do. Also, please don't worry about me - I have promised myself and my family that I will not do anything stupid. Recently I've felt slightly betrayed by my friends who kicked me out of the house I was living at and also told me we were never close friends in the first place and tried to continue to bill me for rent despite me already having paid extra for the month which he kicked me out. Although this is only my side of the story as I cannot see why he could have done these things from his perspective as I am not him. There are also deeper secrets and traumas that haunt me which I cannot share just yet - I am in a lot of pain atm and am not sure where or who to turn to.
Apologies for the negativity in this post - however I guess I could do a bit more introduction about my hobbies and such. I am an avid fan of the video game: starcraft II, I've appeared multiple times on youtube when someone has casted (commentated) my game. I will include a link to some below - feel free to check them out (and maybe suggest to the youtuber to showcase some more games of mine (wint wink) just kidding...) although I know most of you perhaps won't be interested. I also used to be a massive fan of reading and writing - unfortunately recently, due to my intense stress levels I have not been able to do any of these hobbies recently and I cannot play video games either due to not having any of my personal devices of which I can play upon. I also like the video game osu and beats saber - although I am unable to play these games too because I do not have my personal devices or an oculus rift (vr headset).
Anyways - that mostly covers me for now - I've probs missed a lot due to my depression etc. maybe there is a way for me to add on edits after if I remember? I'm not sure. Anyways thank you for listening. I really hope to meet some new friends and attain some support or advice. Thanks again. Signed yjzhou (also - are these posts all anonymous? (I know I signed it but apart from that I mean))
P.S here are some of the links for my sc2 games:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9xgH-MZ850&t=832s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdwpwCX1EQg&t=265s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LL8_zVyZQjA
Hi NAS65096, I'm very sorry to hear you've been having such a difficult time. It's important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide even if you are not feeling suicidal at the moment so you can try and get some help. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support, such as referring you to counselling or various forms of therapy they think would be suitable. Outside of GP hours you can call 111 to reach the NHS urgent care service: http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx
The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.
MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.
If you need help with an autism related issue, our helpline can be emailed via webform https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx or they’re open Monday to Thursday 10am-4pm and Friday 9am-3pm on 0808 800 4104. The phone lines are often busy and you may need to try more than once to get through to an advisor.I hope something here might be of help to you,Best wishes,
Ross - mod
Hi - thank you for the resources and advice! Also for the great reply to my post! I do not know if I should use the autism helpline though - since I have not yet attained an official diagnosis. Also, unfortunately I have tried Samaritans in the past and that did not quite work out well for me. I will definitely have a look at Mind though! Thanks so much again
You don't need an official diagnosis to use the autism helpline