Hello - Recently widowed and then diagnosed ASD

Hello

As per the title. My wife of 30yrs died in late October and I have received my ASD diagnosis this Monday gone. I have a good job and manage to interact as well as necessary, I'm no genius but I do think in my own way which has been useful to my employer on a number of occasions. I'm high functioning in a very normal sort of way.  It is my emotional landscape that is most limited, I get by with a resolutely grumpy attitude. 

You won't be surprised to hear that I miss my wife terribly, and having had my diagnosis so recently I am even more grateful to her having taken me on.  To be fair I think it is entirely possible she was also neuro-diverse in some way, but she certainly had emotional needs that I struggled to understand.  Anyway, she was beautiful and smart and compassionate.  

I think my ASD has been a benefit during this period of bereavement, I know what she meant to me, and I to her, but I am not devastated in the way my father was when my Mother died, nor even the way some of my wife's friends were.  I live on my own, with animals and I don't find it particularly hard (yet). I have a daughter and three grand children who I see frequently, so I am not isolated.

I appreciate what I had, I don't think I will ever have it again and that does play on my mind, but I also wonder whether I would ever want to be in that place with another person.

Thanks for reading.