Adult male 25 needs friends/support please

I notice the age of this post, I was curious how your son is coping now? I am 29 years old and, despite desperately seeking the approval of the NTs around me, suffer from almost constant depression if I am to be honest. It varies from very mild and functional, to just wanting to sit in front of the TV (when not working of course!) watching re-runs of favourite shows on DVD. So I understand totally where you are coming from with the difficulty for him to meet and retain friends. I only have 3 people from university who actually still are happy to spend time with me and although they live quite a distance from me it is a comfort to know they are on the other end of the phone if needed. Especially as sometimes conversations flow more freely with peers than parents! Has he subscribed to Aspergers United? It is a really good resource especially as you live in the South East as there are quite a few support groups down there (they get a little sparse up here in the hills!). They also do a Pen Pals section where he can get to know people through writing to them first. I know I personally find written communication easier than verbal, probably because body language is lost on me, and the written word has fewer nuances and can be more straightforward.

Anyway, I hope this message finds you and your son well, let me know if I can help at all with advice and/or someone to chat to who is going through similar life experiences.

Hi,my name is Kenny, i'm 42. As yet undiagnosed ASD,online tests suggest i've got mild Autism. Find it very difficult to interact with people, would like to hear from others in a similar position.

I'm actually looking for an online friend who is in the process of a diagnostic, I'm older than him but recently discovered the answer to all my questions-troubles in life, it's never too late, at least I know it now...

Hi there, 

I know this is a old post. But in case things are still the same, thought I would mention Medstar UK, they are absolutely wonderful for young adults, far better than being on a aspergers social care team when your one of 20 to a support worker etc! They work on small steps and understand that if one part of the plan is not working it all falls apart! I'm in Herts so maybe a bit far but I know some support groups north herts-London that I can't get to as im south herts but give me a bell if thats not to far and shall pass details on.

Toffee cake 

Have you thought about video-games? Give me a minute before you blast me with something lol.

I know video-games have a bad rep among some folk and I don't know what your opinion is, some think it encourages people to be anti-social (even sociopathic)... But I personally love sitting down, putting my mic on, getting a few friends into a lobby and playing a strategy game or MMO together.

I have a friend who also has aspergers, and he's on the other-side - he's one of the people who over-do it, he's never off the computer. Not to eat, wash, and he only sleeps out of necessity. But that's because he's spoiled, really I think within a proper framework it could be a really comfortable middle-ground between socialising and not having to be around people in awkward situations.

A major plus-side being; if you have an awkward silence, which is common in aspergers, you're probably busy plotting something, so it's not really awkward - and because you're playing a game, conversation flows naturally, you can be as quiet or as talkative as you want.

i will be a friend for him to chat to as well

mum will sort it said:

My son has waited over 15 years for a referral. Despite my asking and numerous visits to camhs. I am now also going to push it with my 15 year old daughter.  As im not prepared for her to wait the same length of time.

Like your son he won't make the move to contact like minded people. He has never been able to go to work as he cannot decide what he would want to do. He is just a forgotten statistic. 

We need things to change.

CAMHS are a pile of crap basically.  No autism expertise, fob people off and blame the parents.

My son has waited over 15 years for a referral. Despite my asking and numerous visits to camhs. I am now also going to push it with my 15 year old daughter.  As im not prepared for her to wait the same length of time.

Like your son he won't make the move to contact like minded people. He has never been able to go to work as he cannot decide what he would want to do. He is just a forgotten statistic. 

We need things to change.

My son has waited over 15 years for a referral. Despite my asking and numerous visits to camhs. I am now also going to push it with my 15 year old daughter.  As im not prepared for her to wait the same length of time.

Like your son he won't make the move to contact like minded people. He has never been able to go to work as he cannot decide what he would want to do. He is just a forgotten statistic. 

We need things to change.

i am willing to be an online chat friend for your son if any good

i recently got diganosed with autsim and am looking for friends with the same condition and feeling very lonely would be nice to talk to people and make friends

Hello,

My name is Sarah and I work for Richmond fellowship, We cover Spelthorne and Runneymede area's. We are the 3rd largest charity for mental health. If anyone has a mental health problem with a learning difficulty then we may be able to help with groups and employment.

I hope that this helps, if you need any more help or advice then please do not hestiate to get in touch

shamu,

Sign up for the Surrey NAS branch's email forum and also newsletter here: www.mugsy.org/contact.htm

And this is the website for Surrey branch: http://www.mugsy.org

I know they do have meet-ups for the parents of adults - so maybe through the parents , you can find contacts for your son. And there are also ASD adults on the email forum.

Sharon

Hi Shamu, I have exactly the same problems. My son is 21 and has Aspergers, ADHD without the hyperactivity and Dyspraxia. He is on medication for depression and has no motivation to do anything for himself, even come on here. But he feels lonely and can't get employment. He was referred to the local Mental Health Team when I went to see my GP about him when he was over 18 and he sees a neuropsychiatrist a couple of times a year but that's mainly about medication. He recently saw the Aspergers and ADHD team after a wait of almost a year, and he has a support worker coming tomorrow so we'll see what help that brings. Are you in touch with your local MHT?

Support of this kind for adults is next to nonexistent wherever you live.

I'd love to be able to meet other people, like me, about my age, in a social setting.

But where I live, there's one group that's suited more to people much, much, further down the spectrum. And one group where there's no real facilitation. And they're both for a couple of hours once a month - which isn't anywhere near enough time, or often enough, to form any kind of meaningful relationship.

www.amazebrighton.org.uk/editorial.asp

I'm much too old and my son is much too young! But it reminded me of a very inspirational young man who I saw at the autism show.  When I googled him, I found the above. I know it is not your area but perhaps your son could set something up locally, with your help? There must be many people his age in Surrey on the spectrum. Or has he got any hobbies interests he can develop? Sorry he's having such a tough time.

Hiya, you wouldn't happen to be anywhere near sutton would you? I have Aspergers as well and theres next to no support groups in Surrey I'm afraid, even getting CAHM's to see me a month after my 18th was like WW3.

Try and get your son onto forums for people with aspergers, they're a lot more help than chasing government services that seem to prefer closing to giving you decent help on time.

Katie

Have you been in touch with your local branch? You can find it here: www.autism.org.uk/.../branches-in-england.aspx

They should be able to help you.

Sharon