31, Recently Diagnosed

Hi,

My name’s Tom and I need to unload following my diagnosis so apologies for the long message and feel free to skip by!

I am 31 and have recently been diagnosed with autism. I have experienced a lot of the same life patterns many others seem to with ASD i.e. dysfunctional relationships, short lived friendships, difficulty holding down jobs, anxiety, depression, excessive drinking, drugs etc. I was also raised a Jehovah’s Witness which compounded the problem of feeling isolated and alone due to its socially restrictive and exclusive nature and aversion to psychotherapy.

Since childhood I have experienced crippling anxiety and bouts of depression and until the last few years found it difficult just to step outside my front door. There have been periods where I have not left my house for weeks or months. This has been made worse by the fact my living situation has been extremely unstable throughout my life. I have been in the YMCA, shared accommodations, rooms above pubs… I have moved so many times I have lost count.

I stopped turning up to school in year 9. I would just spend all day walking the fields around school alone rather than be around other kids. I was treated like a trouble child at school and home. I frequently complained that I could not cope with the amount of noise in the classrooms and the teachers shouting etc but this was not taken seriously. I also struggled with bullying due to my quiet nature and my family’s religious orientation at the time. I cannot recall an occasion I was not anxious as a child. I have dropped out of 3 college courses and 1 university degree. I have also walked out of every job I have ever had until my current but I’ll explain that.

A few years ago, I was in a real bad place, in a tiny run-down apartment with a girlfriend who could not understand me and had her own mental health issues, I’d just walked out of another job and to be honest I’d had enough. I decided to turn to family for help. I moved in with my sister, my brother got me an interview at the same place he worked and life has slowly improved since then. I work in an office now, which has its own difficulties for me but since the diagnosis they have been very supportive in making changes to support me for which I am very grateful.

It is incredibly difficult to portray in a few paragraphs how difficult, painful, lonely and just plain awful it has been growing up with undiagnosed autism but I am sure the majority on here can relate.

Since the diagnosis I have become aware of how much I have been masking and how much that has affected my mental health and so I do not hide myself anymore (I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders). I am also not afraid to speak up for the support or changes I need to make my life easier. I know I have suffered enough regardless what anyone else thinks.  It is upsetting to know life could have been much different had I been diagnosed sooner, but there is always someone who has it worse and I know feeling sorry for myself won’t help anything.

Now I am just allowing myself to be me and not trying to behave like anyone else even if it seems weird. I will be trying to work with my autism instead of trying to hide it.

Apologies for the disjointed rant but I am lonely and as I said I needed to unload Blush

Thanks for reading,

Tom

  • hi

    i have just been diagnosed at 34 i had to go private as nhs dont fund adults. i missed a lot of school and missed out any one picking it up. i have a cousin who has asd but he is limited he has moderate leaning diffculties and hes the only cousin i have any thing to do with. and his 2 dogs he lives with his mum and dad and i spend a lot of time there. i dont have a relation ship with my mum and i cant  really under stand her or my brother behavours.  

    i was always told i was just senitive which is not the case. even tho i also was fetch up in Jehovah’s Witness very closed off and only deal with other. my mum was a alcoholic behind closed doors and neglected up which as caused mental healt problem as well as 2 more traumatic events in my life.

    all most feel like i dont know what i am doing

    thanks

  • Hey Tom!

    I was also diagnosed at 31 a few months ago and starting to allow myself to be unapologetically myself after many years of poor mental health.  Hope you find support here :)

  • Hi Tom

    Your story sounds very familiar to my own. Well done for sharing. Loneliness is really tough. 

    It sounds like you are on the path to a more aware and self accepting life. I'm still figuring out where the masking/acting stops and I begin, it's been so long. I remember consciously starting to adjust from around age 6. Roll on thirty years and I am only beginning to fully grasp what has happened and how much the whole charade has compromised the real (odd, weird, eccentric (others words)) me.

    It's been comforting reading some posts on here about various personal experiences, as although I have some friends, I have never been truly understood. Work is another matter entirely, I still dont know how to select and sustain a source of income. 

    Best of luck dude 

    Mich 

  • Thanks. I like your profile name haha. I also have an aversion to Xmas related paraphernalia.

  • Welcome Tom, don't worry about your post - it comes across as a well written, fluid story that makes me wish that you had been listened to much sooner. That said, 31 is not too old and you're well armed with new knowledge now, so onwards and upwards. You sound positive too, which is a really helpful state to be in.

    Keep posting & I think you'll get lots of support here.

  • Hi both and thanks for the replies. It is nice to be understood for a change.

  • Welcome. As Bookworm say a lot of people here could relate to your story. I think this pain is very essence of autistic condition . Rant away.:)

  • Tom. Well done you for getting to a better place now. Childhood can be hard when nobody understands. My childhood and school life were hellish. Stay positive. Look forward, not back. It can work out. Don't apologise for getting things off your chest. A problem shared, etc. We've all felt like a rant and felt better for letting it out. For me that has always been a big problem, getting emotions, feelings and thoughts out, but one thing I have learnt over the years is that I can write it down or type it and it is much easier to get out that way. Good luck. Research lots and try to make your life work for you. It will require work but will be worth it.

  • Thanks for the message. I hope I can also start to make positive progress in life now I know what the problem is.

  • Thanks, I am looking forward to understanding this 

  • Welcome to the community. Don't worry about your rant I think the majority of us like to get things off our chest.

    I too felt frustrated when I got my diagnosis as I wondered what life may have been like if I had been diagnosed earlier. Having said that I have no regrets in life.

    I did have one and I sorted that regret out last year when I decided to go to college and do my maths GCSE which I passed with a grade 4 and just missed out on a grade 5 doing the foundation tier with the rest of the students. I was happy with that considering I'd not done any maths coursework for over 20 years. It had always annoyed me when my teachers put my in the lowest tier for my exam when I was at high school and even the highest mark would not of gained a pass.

    Anyway I'm sure you'll find this website interesting and helpful as I do. It's nice to know there are people out there with similar problems and that we are not alone and that understand how we feel.

  • Hi Tom, welcome, you'll find loads of people on here who feel and have felt the same, I'm sure others will also chip in, there are a lot of helpful threads on here to look at and if you want to ask any questions that arent covered just start a new thread.