Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm an emotional mom of a 14yr old newly diagnosed autistic son. He is so angry with himself when he has his meltdowns. I make him safe when he's punching and kicking out, I sit at a distance as he doesn't like being touched. But all I can do is cry as I feel so helpless. Tell me I'm not alone or the only one
NAS63019 stated:
You are 'so' not alone ~ if it is not meltdowns it is seizures or 'lock-ins' (i.e. the body falls asleep but the mind remains awake).
In terms of how alone you are not though, click or tap on this link 'meltdowns' and you will see at least 1,883 results if it updates or not as time goes on.
The general advice is clock the triggers, and find a way for him or get him to find a way of burning off the build up of stress before it becomes hypertensively explosive, such as going for runs or bike rides etc, or to direct the aggression at a punch bag or something.
It is good to read that that you keep your distance when he is having a meltdown; keeping you and him safe is just so important. Well done! :-)
My daughter also hates busy places, we set her up a quiet "safe space" it is her private retreat filled with things that relax her, we also encourage her to stim to combat the overload of people around her such as tapping her fingers on her leg, this gives her a focus other than what is going on around her, it also alerts us when she is starting to get overwhelmed.
As your son is 14 he is probably finding things more overwhelming due to his hormones (any teenager is fun at that age!) Allowing him time and space to process his emotions will help long term. Have you discussed his diagnosis with him? Highlighting some of the good things and not focusing on the deficits (ie the medical definition) there is a huge autistic community out there and alot of fantastic advocates that will freely give advice. I only mention this as teenagers can really turn things in a negative light and if he gets hung up on what is perceived as deficits he could lose sight of all the things he can do.
We are all still working things out, but social situations with too many people are the worst. 2days back we went to a quiet pub which he is normally happy with when a large party came in. We made a swift exit but it was too late to appease him.. 2 days of on and off meltdowns and minimal conversation later he is good again. Thank you so much for responding, we are all trying to see what works and what doesn't at the moment, I have a notebook for jotting down triggers now xx
You are not alone. It hurts watching your child go through this, but it is a thousand times worse for him. Have you worked out the cause of the meltdowns? Removing triggers is very helpful as is reassuring him that it's ok to get overwhelmed.