Looking for advice! Frustration overload right now!

Hi Everyone!

I've had a quick look through some recent posts and can really relate to what this community forum is all about, so I decided to write my own thread, to hopefully relieve some pressure and frustration I've built up.

I'm really bad at articulating when I type, so I hope I can get my point across, and I hope you understand me.

Having come from a dysfunctional family, I've never had the easiest of upbringings. My parents tried their best as everyone does with the cards they are handed, but having 2 older brothers who 1. has schizophrenia, and the 2nd has Bi-polar I was never really a priority growing up, and missed out on a 'normal' childhood. Not to mention my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 8 years ago. I know it hasn't been easy for anybody, but thankfully things are settled with them now and certain things are in place in terms of their care etc etc.

I have only really started thinking about the possibility of me having autism very recently, I have researched online and strongly believe that something isn't quite right and I know this hasn't just appeared recently, I'm talking from many years ago.

Some examples...

1. I have very ridged and structured routines in place. In my mind I plan ahead, I'm very organised, but to the point if anything was to interrupt this, then you would soon no about it. I cannot go about my day peacefully if these tasks are not done. Tidying is a big issue, everything has it's place, and I hate clutter. It's makes me physically angry...

2. I've had melt downs before, just by my friend speaking to me, asking me how I am. They are being kind and genuinely want to know how I am. But to me they are interfering and trying to upset me, I can't quite grasp the understanding of others behaviours.

3. I will often say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I will make a sarcastic joke for example if a friends family member has died... To me I am being funny so why can't that person understand that.

4. Often people will say to me I lack empathy and emotion, I honestly struggle to understand people sometimes and unless they agree or do things my way it's as if I can't even take their thoughts on board.

5. Being by myself is my favourite thing to do. If I have to socialise it's like I have to prepare for a week before to 'get myself ready' I can't do anything spontaneously, everything has to be planned. Change is a big no no. 

6. It doesn't necessarily effect me too much, but when the topic comes about, everybody knows about it. I have an extreme fridge magnet obsession. If I hear of somebody going abroad or away somewhere different to their home I HAVE to ask them to buy me a fridge magnet. Even if I don't know them that well. It's like a pain in me that hurts if I don;t get this magnet.

I believe my main issue is dealing with emotions and behaviours of others, and should I not understand the situation of something I close up, become withdrawn or 'mardy' as some may say.

Often I don't know how to react, what to say, what to do in situations...

I've had a partner for 12 years now, we split up in March this year but we are trying to work through things at the minute. But because of my problems i seem to be experiencing it's proving very difficult .

I feel my life has ground to a hault. I visited my GP about these problems and although he didn't really offer any empathy, or support he said he's referred me to 'Let's talk - Wellbeing' and I should hear back in 6 - 8 weeks! I'm going out of my mind with thoughts, worries, that i'm not being taken seriously, how do I tell my friend's what's happening on so on.

I don't even know if he has referred me to an appropriate place, has anybody been to this place before? or spoken to them?

I'm thinking of going private at this rate, I really can't wait this long for an assessment, but don;t really know what route to take, who to speak to etc?

Thanks for listening