Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm Emma and I have ASD and am in my early 20s.
I was different growing up. I disliked school because of the noisy and fast paced environments! The fire alarms used to send me into a panic attack which was both uncomfortable and so humiliating. School was also hard because of the boys who used to stare and me and then whisper behind my back, but then the girls used to tease me and make fun of me for being Autistic, which at my school the word was an insult. After school I thought life would get a lot easier but it didn't, if anything the ASD got much worse and as time went by I found it difficult to do more things. Dating boys became hard because I couldn't communicate or express myself properly, doing things like my own makeup and painting my nails became hard because I couldn't make my hands do it properly and then there was changes to my routine. If anything changed suddenly it destroyed me, usually taking several days to recover afterwards.
Two years ago my sister was killed in a road traffic accident and this has been the biggest change in my life so far, one I've so far, failed to get over. My sister and I were so close, we spoke about everything including my ASD and she helped and supported me whenever I needed her. After the road traffic accident she was taken to hospital, I could never bring myself to go in and see her because hospitals send me into a vicious panic attack, but not I completely regret not going in to see her. A few days after being hospitalised my sister passed away, she was only 23 years old.
My sister's death affected me in a really bad way. I became depressed after and constantly sad, always feeling tearful but never being able to cry when I felt like I needed to. Instead I developed a problem in which at random points I burst into tears and can't stop crying for ten minutes. My sister left a giant gap when she passed away and it's still there and hurts like crazy now.
Since then I have improved a little. I've remained very childlike but have adult traits about me, although I still like getting toys and dolls as gifts, who doesn't? But I also better understand ASD now and am trying to get certain parts of it in better control. I suffer a lot from anxiety which then causes me anxiety pains which are sooo uncomfortable, and can be really worrying depending on where the pains are coming from. But I had them checked out last year which was a stressful experience and turned out to be pointless as according to my doctor I'm "healthy as can be" which was half relief and then half sadness that I'm stuck with the pains, presumably forever. I used to have a pretty good memory as well but recently that's not so good anymore. I read something or try to learn something and I've forgotten it within a couple of seconds. Does anyone else get this? It happens when my family talk to me, they say something but it's in one ear and out the other. But I don't know why. I used to have a good memory but memories are fading now.
I find it hard to express myself and communicate with all people, my family included but they are really supportive and help me through difficult days. I also find myself at my sister's grave a lot, talking to her about my life and everything that's happened since she died. I find peace in doing this.
But there are good sides to ASD and those are that I can watch my fave Disney movies over and over again and not be bored. I still get fun dolls as gifts and most importantly, it looks as if I'm going to remain forever young... Which I don't think is a bad thing ha ha!
One thing thing I hate though, is having my hair cut *shudders*.
I'm here to hopefully meet some great people.
Emma. X
Hi and welcome
I love Lego have a 6 year old son and love building Lego with him I have a Lego Technic Dragster with moving parts it’s very cool .
COOL! (not cook)
Emma -
It would be cook to keep in touch with you.
?
Darren
It's ok, it was a while ago now anyway. With each day that passes I like to think it's getting easier.
I'm also from the UK.
Hi!
It takes me months as well. Speaking of, I have to have my haircut today. I've been putting it off for six months lol.
I would love to write a blog someday. I like writing, it makes me happy.
Thank you!
The loss of your sister?
Wow - had no idea, sorry.
Music is good.
Peace from the UK!
Aww that's lovely! I love snuggling up to animals, they're so warm and relaxing. It's funny how spending a little time with a pet can blow all your worries away. They are natural healers and stress relievers.
Aww thank you, that’s very kind of you to say so. I’m just fortunate that I have a very positive outlook on myself and life itself. I do get low sometimes, but I make sure I don’t ever let myself get stuck in a dark place. Life is too short for such things and the loss of my sister taught me to appreciate life and live it to the best of my ability. Thank you for your kind words.
Emma-
You are great.
You do not even know what you are going to achieve yet, yet you are already so open and cool with what is basically a bumpy ride, you can 'watch my fave Disney movies over and over again and not be bored'. - and still continue.
You are ace.
You will do well. You have the ability, tools and manners.
Well done to you, girly!!!
d
Couldn’t agree more. She’s snuggled up to me as we speak. There’s a goal you’ve set for the future :)
Yes I think so as well. I think it's because they're so loving and never judge, and they're always ready to give you a nice cuddle as well when you're down. I'm so happy for you with your dog I want to get another dog.
I think animals are so much easier to understand compared to people. I really want a German shepherd when I’m older. Yeah, I’m very luck to have clicked with her the way I have :)
Aww how lovely! She sounds adorable I love dogs and cats, really caring and friendly animals. We owned a German Shepherd when I was growing up, she was called Samantha, but sadly died when she was still young. I'm glad Bella and you are so close already! That's a good bond you have there.I'm not sure if it's the Autism, but I love animals, I'm very close to them.
Yes I might do that! It might be a nice treat.
She definitely makes me feel positive. (When she’s behaving). I’ve had a few cats when I was younger and they have such lovely little personalities. Bella is a miniature Jack Russel. I’ve only had her 10 days but it now feels like she’s always been with me. I love the bones of her.
You could make it a thing to buy one as a treat to yourself for getting through a rough patch
I love that name as well, it's a positive name I think! Awh that's so nice, I love cats, they're really soft and warming animals. I don't own a cat at the moment, our last one died of old age Bella sounds lovely. What breed of dog is she? Aww wow that's amazing!! I would love to own all of those, I own the Mini which looks great! I sometimes place a minifigure next to it, a bit big really but I don't mind.
It takes some time to learn as it not always easy but you will get there. That is a beautiful name. I named my cat that as I wanted her to be my reason to keep faith in life. I don’t have close family but my dog Bella is my sole purpose in life. I have the Ferrari, mini, beetle, London bus, Camper van, a truck and the Porsche. Just a few aha
I’ve not heard of that one either
I was a member of Brickish - they have parties in Legoland.
https://brickish.org/
Yes exactly, there will always be bad days but you can’t let them hold you back or depress you. You have to pick yourself up and keep pushing forwards or you’ll be stuck in the past forever. In a way my sister is a good reason why I stay so positive, after all if she is watching me she defos wouldn’t want to see me sad and upset all the time. Her name was Faith and she’s the reason why I have so much faith and positivity I think.
Ooh what LEGO cars do you have so far?
But having bad days/week is completely fine too as were only human. No one is happy all the time but it’s picking yourself up and finding something good in everyday that matters. Imagine your doing and seeing things through the same lense. You make her the reason to pick yourself up on days you can’t do it for yourself and hopefully the days you can for yourself become more each time.
I think when I get the last couple of car models I may be tempted to give them ago too