Skip to main content
Close Button
Donate
  • Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 92 subscribers
  • Views 2090 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Should we tell our 9 year old she is 'autisitic'

NAS37992
over 5 years ago

We are looking for advice about our 9-year-old daughter who has just been given ASD (high functioning) and ADHD diagnoses. The issue we are wondering about is the CAMHS advice that we should tell her these labels apply to her.

I think future support through an EHCP/statement (which she does not yet have) may depend on her being told and that this is justified because naming the problem helps you to face it.

We’re struggling with the potential stigma (from self as much as from others) it could bring for someone who is already low in confidence.

We are clear that the ADHD is an issue (she has very strong hyper-focus, poor ability to plan or stay with a task, etc) and find that less sensitive. The ASD is less clear to us because shyness often seems an equally good explanation (eg for poor eye contact) and because she is intensely social (begs for playdates, usually generous and warm with friends despite preferring to talk than listen). 

Any advice/experiences welcomed with thanks.

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    I wouldn't be fooled by how extroverted your daughter seems. Often with ASD girls especially we can be very social, even overly so. I'm an aspie extrovert myself!

    Personally, I was already aware by your daughter's age that there was something different about me compared to my neurotypical peers. Even then it was a little disconcerting. I can't say if knowing why I was having these problems with human interaction would have made me feel better about it, but I can perhaps imagine that it would have made it less confusing.
     
    Apart from that, it's her diagnosis- personally I feel like she has a right to know. I also know I would have felt lied to if my parents HAD known when I was a young child and not told me (they were as clueless as I was until my mid-teens when I started seeking my diagnosis, and I was in the loop the whole time afterwards). 

    If you're worried about it affecting her self-confidence, it might be a good idea to put some emphasis on the gifts that can come with being on the spectrum. Not every autistic person has all of these, but for example ASD often comes with being passionate and knowledgeable about what interests the person, or having excellent attention to detail. It can mean not engaging in the mind-games of social politics and true honesty, loyalty and reliability in friendships. There is also often an ability to find novel solutions to problems because we are approaching things from a different perspective. Slight smile 

    The autistic brain is different, more than defective. Like everyone she's going to have her strengths and weaknesses and she is likely to share those with a number of other people on the spectrum. Approaching the topic from that angle should help her think more positively and constructively about the way she is and what support could help her in the areas she finds more difficult.

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    I wouldn't be fooled by how extroverted your daughter seems. Often with ASD girls especially we can be very social, even overly so. I'm an aspie extrovert myself!

    Personally, I was already aware by your daughter's age that there was something different about me compared to my neurotypical peers. Even then it was a little disconcerting. I can't say if knowing why I was having these problems with human interaction would have made me feel better about it, but I can perhaps imagine that it would have made it less confusing.
     
    Apart from that, it's her diagnosis- personally I feel like she has a right to know. I also know I would have felt lied to if my parents HAD known when I was a young child and not told me (they were as clueless as I was until my mid-teens when I started seeking my diagnosis, and I was in the loop the whole time afterwards). 

    If you're worried about it affecting her self-confidence, it might be a good idea to put some emphasis on the gifts that can come with being on the spectrum. Not every autistic person has all of these, but for example ASD often comes with being passionate and knowledgeable about what interests the person, or having excellent attention to detail. It can mean not engaging in the mind-games of social politics and true honesty, loyalty and reliability in friendships. There is also often an ability to find novel solutions to problems because we are approaching things from a different perspective. Slight smile 

    The autistic brain is different, more than defective. Like everyone she's going to have her strengths and weaknesses and she is likely to share those with a number of other people on the spectrum. Approaching the topic from that angle should help her think more positively and constructively about the way she is and what support could help her in the areas she finds more difficult.

Children
No Data