Published on 12, July, 2020
I feel very burned out writing this. I have been online and on the phone for 6 hours trying to source help particularly around employment concerns (I am off work due to stress) and explaining to my parents that I'm not in work for legitimate reasons. They think that if other people can cope in the workplace, why can't I? Although this sentiment is expressed through a series of arguments. They think I want to give myself another label and are more worried that I am going to get a bad record at work which will follow me around for the rest of my life. I explained that sensitive details cannot be passed on to other companies as this is illegal. I have been described as intolerant, always 'believing my own lies' and they seem to think I blame their parenting skills. I am so fed up and am terrified of my mental health deteriorating. I am in my 30's and am female. Advice, help and support please would be great. I feel very alone.
Hello.
I am very sorry you are feeling this way, and I'm not the best advice or help, but I wanted to try because your situation resonates with mine a little.
But I just wanted to try to let you know that you're absolutely not alone. I am a little bit younger than you, in my 20s, but also female and have trouble with family not understanding how much my autism affects me. They find it funny and make fun of some of my "quirks" and last year when I had some time off work I was constantly questioned and pressured to go back. It kind of feels like they don't see it as a genuine difficulty. I guess because it's "invisible". As a result, I try my hardest to avoid situations where it might be bought up, and have hidden the fact that I had to reduce my hours from them. The result of this experience is that even though I am again not coping at work and frightened to go off sick, despite doctors' advice and my autism has become much more difficult to hide due to being anxious and overwhelmed (especially stimming and insistence on rules and routine), I feel completely unable to tell anyone in my family and am terrified of losing my job and where I live.
Because I don't feel able to seek support from my family, and I don't have any close friends at all I have had to find support elsewhere, mostly through my GP and information given in my diagnostic report about local services. There are organisations who can offer support to people with high functioning autism/Asperger's and I have recently started attending a social group with the organisation I'm under. I find it a relief to have others around me who think a bit more like me, and at a time when things are really tough it has been a lifeline. I don't know which area you're in, but there should be somewhere like that where you might get some relief from family or work and have somewhere you can be yourself, and maybe access a specialist support worker. I currently work with an autism support worker and I know she would speak to my parents and family if I asked her to, I wonder whether having an autism professional speak to your family might help? One of my goals at the moment is to allow someone to speak to my family. It can also help to have autism professionals involved because if anything does happen with work, they can offer support. My support worker is coming to occupational health appointments with me, for example. She explains things I miss or can't express fully.
I am sorry I don't have much to offer, and I'm not sure if I expressed what I could offer too well, but I mostly just wanted you to know you're absolutely not alone and I really hope there might be somewhere or someone who knows about autism who can speak with them, and I'm happy to speak more. I'm in the Midlands so know that area quite well. I think mostly ignorance is the reason people expect us to just cope with everything. Sometimes I look at colleagues at work and wonder how they cope and wish I could. Sometimes I even wonder whether I'm making the whole thing up but when I speak with people who understand I find it easier to accept myself and try to block out other people thoughts and expectations.
Thank you for your reply. I will need to to access professionals who deal with ASD and the workplace because so far, work has not helped me and I don't know what sort of 'reasonable adjustments' would apply to me. I work in an open plan office and there is a lot of noise, lots of 'banter' (where jokes about disability are the norm) and my colleagues are behaving very coldly/unfriendly towards me. I have become so worried I am doing something wrong or if my job is in jeopardy I've been sick in the toilets, had to escape from my desk because I was about to break down and cry, and ultimately have had to take a few weeks off work because I cannot cope anymore. Is this 'burnout'? I am new to all of the Asperger and Autism related terminologies.
Unfortunately my mum and dad think I just want to label myself with a problem. First it was OCD, now it's Aspergers. I have professional diagnoses for both. They do not want to learn about aspergers and how it affects women or how it explains my problems.
I look at my colleagues at work and know that they don't have half the qualifications I've managed to get or the resilience I have had through all the mental ups and downs and yet they have all the friends, can communicate effectively and get chosen for promotion etc. The same people make jokes about disability and are generally not empathetic and are self serving. I know if I had the ability to cope, I would be doing well in my career but I am absolutely debilitated with Aspergers and OCD and this is the most depressing thing of all. No matter what I seem to try, the batteries run out and the mask comes off and I'm rejected in one form or another.
Again thank you for your reply and sorry for the ramble. I've just had a very very difficult day and it is hard to keep on track with thinking out a proper response