Published on 12, July, 2020
........and probably will hardly manage to again, as I may have forgotten my password ready. After a zillion things going wrong.....including the fact that all my brilliant ideas for a handle were already taken. Great minds.
I have not been diagnosed and won't be, I don't live in the UK and no doubt more ties to my lovely home country will be cut still further in the next year.
It was just seen as craziness when I was a kid, in the 1960's. It could be a spectrum thing but it could be something else. The red flags for the A word for me are that I regressed at 18 months and no longer spoke using grammatically correct sentences. Tantrums and obsessions during childhood, being scapegoated at high school and repeatedly being criticised from student years onwards for not engaging in enough eye contact.
But it is on the other side of the boot too as I teach at a high school for children who wish to specialise in the arts, and many are now getting diagnoses of dyspraxia, dyslexia as well as the odd autism I do feel the need to know how to work with these kids.
I would love to hear from older people who are only now recognising the hidden thing after all these years. Or from other teachers also confronting similar things.
The most important thing is my art incidentally.
Hi there!
Scape-goated. Yes! I totally understand and agree. I'm older and because of a manager bullying me at work, I began to analyse myself. The autism thing made sense. I'm now waiting for an assessment and I have joined a NAS group.
Exhaustion after being round groups of the humans is a big thing. Because of my manager I had a breakdown and I still don't understand why he did this.
I have spent as a female most of my life pretending. I dress up to match my character. It's exhausting.
I'm educated to degree level. My manager isn't. He likes the basic things in life. I write for relaxation. At the moment I find it difficult to focus on my writing. I'm ruining my life on focusing on how unhappy I am at work.
My plan for now is to create a new mask to fit in again. He might leave me alone.
Thank you for your post.
Hi there and thanks for joining in. Have you talked to anyone about your manager? I don't know about a new mask but a new strategy and way of responding to him does seem in order. One of the reasons I am mainly self employed is not to end up in a position where someone could abuse their power or take it out on me, alas for many years as a subcontractee for many years, also meant being treated like an employer in many cases. And as an old colleague once put it, there is a lot more insecurity with being self employed, but one thing you do have is something could the effoff factor. Lots of people I am sure dream of telling their bosses what they can do with their jobs. In Japan they give their employees dolls they can punch during lunch breaks.
Ultimately if a boss is really giving you a hard time I think it is probably better to move on. But in today's climate that is not really possible though it is the member one reason for many for looking for another position.
Hi there. Thank you for your uplifting reply. I really appreciate it.
I have indeed told people, but because I am so distressed about it I think they find it difficult to understand why I don't take firm action. He's no longer my boss, but the echos of him are still in my head. He's still in my department. I think that as I am in a state of extreme anxiety, I'm reliving the horror. I'm terrified each day to go to work and mix with people. I've lost my confidence and at times I don't want to carry on. My partner gets angry with me and although he (my partner) works close by but says he doesn't want to get involved.
When I get my appointment to be assessed this will help me. When I get the results (I have self diagnosed all tests show ASD) I can move on and learn to understand myself. My boss commented on why I don't do eye contact and why for someone who is so intelligent why do I get anxious over social things. My partner says it's all in my head and I should ignore him.
I would love to become self employed and help people. I have a gift for writing (one of my scripts won a competition and was performed on stage) and I'm very empathic. I can sing and I have a knowledge of science. At the moment all those things are disappearing as I spend hours in tears. I self harm.
I'm so glad you had the opportunity to become self employed.
Thank you.
Absolutely agree. Some NTs think that some of us are able to understand their MO and fight back. This idiot likes his football and he enjoys conflict towards others. I'm a petite blonde and so I think he likes making me cry.
Eye contact is very uncomfortable for me. I might as well be staring at someone naked. I have no idea how people find it so natural. He thought I was being shifty. I just think he's being a dickhead.
He's a psychological bully and has sniffed out where you are most vulnerable.
I hope you find effective ways to keep him at arm's length. I got a lot of flak for avoiding eye conact too, especially from a certain creepy type of person. It is worth bearing in.mind that in some cultures it is a tally a sign of respect to avoid eye contact.