Published on 12, July, 2020
........and probably will hardly manage to again, as I may have forgotten my password ready. After a zillion things going wrong.....including the fact that all my brilliant ideas for a handle were already taken. Great minds.
I have not been diagnosed and won't be, I don't live in the UK and no doubt more ties to my lovely home country will be cut still further in the next year.
It was just seen as craziness when I was a kid, in the 1960's. It could be a spectrum thing but it could be something else. The red flags for the A word for me are that I regressed at 18 months and no longer spoke using grammatically correct sentences. Tantrums and obsessions during childhood, being scapegoated at high school and repeatedly being criticised from student years onwards for not engaging in enough eye contact.
But it is on the other side of the boot too as I teach at a high school for children who wish to specialise in the arts, and many are now getting diagnoses of dyspraxia, dyslexia as well as the odd autism I do feel the need to know how to work with these kids.
I would love to hear from older people who are only now recognising the hidden thing after all these years. Or from other teachers also confronting similar things.
The most important thing is my art incidentally.
I can only second what people are saying here. The day I was diagnosed was a big turning point for me too. It gave me closure on a lot of things and avenues to deal with them. Did you channel your obsessions and compuslsions into art? It helps me immensely.
Art and expression do seem to be a common thing in the ASD community. I have music. I had an ex who had ASD who was an artist and film maker. Funnily enough I didn't get my diagnosis until 15 years after we split up. We shared an eye for detail which made watching film and stage productions a shared interest.
I'd try and get a diagnosis. It might answer a few questions for you.
I do hear what you are saying Cloudy Mountain. Now that there is not the inability to deal with it that came from family, it would be easier to do it for myself and keep the knowledge to myself or not,, delending. It eoukdbe difficult where I am though. And there is a lot more prejudice and stigma against what seems to be anything like mental illness here. I outgrew the most extreme things of my childhood which would have stood out as "not normal.' I was obsessed with letters of the alphabet, numbers, says of the week, there was the speech delay, massive tantrums, oppositional behaviour.
I still get massively stressed in certain situationsa s stated before. Delays where trying to get somewhere, airport, metro being closed, being crowded in. Dealing with bureaucrats who may hold significant power over me such as employment in the past, residency rights can also bring out the worst in me.
But I cannot report the massive sensory issues some do here though. And I have been in work continually since emigrating and am in a long-term relationship.
I know I still occasionally get told I am rather weird and strange and always felt 'different,' etc etc. I
I did get an an formal diagnosis from an old friend who happened to be a consultant psychiatrist. She told me I 'had done very well.'
In painting I can experiment a great deal with pattern, reflective surfaces and I hope, communicate something to others too. I have always had plenty of other special interests too.
Trust me on this, there is a massive stigma about mental illness and ASD in my community and social group. The thing that really irks me about my particular situation is that when I was just "crazy", I was considered useful and fun. Since I've been diagnosed I'm far more calm and together but I'm seen as weak and dumb. Some people have shunned me outright. Some are family too.
I hadn't been out in a few years and I decided to go out with an old friend as my anxiety has been low lately. All night he hustled money out of me. He'd have never tried it before my diagnosis. I confronted him (politely!) about it on the way home. He said "See I knew I shouldn't go out with you, because you are like THAT!". I asked him what he meant and he said "Autistic" with a big *** eating grin on his face, within about 3 seconds I had him pinned to the taxi seat, I rattled off every instance of what he'd scammed out of my pocket and what I thought of him. I then got him to pay every penny back. He thought he was going to take advantage of me because all of a sudden I'd become "retarded" in his eyes. My mom's friends all talk to me now like I can't even open up a tin of beans, for the past 20 years they've been coming to me for financial and legal advice! I've had countless instances of underhanded comments. A few instances of outright pisstaking and aggression. I'm not weak or dumb, so I dealt with them pretty efficiently. A few times it's come from my own father, but how do I deal with that!
I've only told a few people but it's spread like wildfire. I live around a lot of ignorant people. There are the people who are "Daily Mail readers", lol, and the others that are "Guardian readers", lol again! The latter are either mocking or dismissive, the former are patronising or want to appear compassionate. Both are equally irritating and ignorant. I'm still the same person. "Crazy" was OK but Autistic, nah, not so much.
Anyway enough of my ranting! None of my childhood traits have disappeared that I can tell. I've always stimmed, had an obsession with certain things, OCD behaviours and I'm also very uncompromising in certain situations. My temper is pretty good but when I do lose it, it's quite destructive. Lol, the part about bureacrats is very, very, similar to me. Very! The sorts of situations I imagine you mean still get me riled years after they've played out!
I have terrible sensory problems, on the flipside of that though I also have wonderful sensory experiences. I've worked most my life though and held down a few long term relationships.
I like art too. I can't draw, paint or design for *** but I can appreciate it! My release is music. I love programming synths, probably more than actually making a piece of music unfortunately! Creation is cathartic!
Bit of a ranty post but trust me the UK can be very ignorant too!
Sorry I didn't reply earlier, I'm not getting notifications from this thread or I'm still a bit new at using this forum. I've had debt problems too but that was due to alcohol and drug abuse. I worked my way to promotions and better jobs, paid off all my debts but was still numbing my mind for years. Mainly to dull my senses. My senses are basically my main symptom. I'm learning to cope though.
Mortgage and exortionate taxes nearly bankrupted me a couple of times but it is good to be beyond that now. Deferring my gratification and all that, though it was thankess enough at the time. I am not sorry for not having married either.
"Mentally subnormal" is hardly going to instill confidence in any child or parent! I was considered "normal" until senior school. Then came the tests and the persecution! I too was considered bright but had "abnormal behaviour". The educational psycholgist said there was nothing wrong with me except boredom. I got expelled 2 months from the end of school, great! All the high expectations were dashed!
I've been engaged twice but alas I'm still single. Looking back I'm glad I never got married, it would never have worked. Getting married, having to get a mortgage and probably have kids, then having to look back with guilt at the wreckage is something I don't regret!