Undiagnosed Adult Autism?

Hello, everybody, my name is Nick, I'm a 28-year-old male while though never diagnosed thoroughly believes there is a high probability of me being autistic.

Throughout my life I have been unable to make certain maturation milestones that my peers have made, always feeling like I'm stuck at different developmental ages within my own psyche. I still live with my parents and haven't been able to successfully finish even a 2-year degree due to the anxiety and frustrations that shut me out of the world for extended periods of time.

I took an IQ test for my therapist when I was about 16 and scored a 147 on the Stanford Binet exam. My intelligence, however, is what I think may have prevented me from getting the actual help I needed my whole life because somehow I always slid under the radar.I was diagnosed bipolar when I was around the age of 16 as well. My mind works like a computer, always streaming some sort of data patterns, numbers words and symbols constantly appear to me throughout my everyday life to the point of it becoming debilitating at times.. I can't relate to people my own age, and always have felt like an outcast or alien. I've never had good social skills and always mirrored the behavior of the people around me, never quite being able to have an identity of my own, and unfortunately for me people have preyed upon my naivety or innocence, knowing I have immense trouble making decisions for myself, so at several periods in my life I have been at the whim of other people because of an overtrusting nature.

After a long day at work, which I barely manage by frequently excusing myself to the back room to regather my thoughts, I often have uncontrollable outbursts in my car on the way home, yelling at myself and sometimes having violent ticks or body jerking as I replay even the most nuanced thing that could have gone wrong that day in my eyes.

I have a lot of problems with sensory information.. Too much and I get migraines. My ears are so sensitive to sound that they perk up and slightly retract back like a dog to even subtle changes in the airwaves. I can't watch a lot of television programming or movies because I have so many triggers for stress that I am reduced to watching mainly cartoons because they are one of the few things that don't make me "sick"..

I've never successfully held a romantic relationship. In all honesty, I haven't asked a girl out in years, I've always been approached, and I think it is in part due to my general aloofness to the things around me, I don't know really how to approach people in general with an appropriate level of communication, let alone somebody who I may be interested..

Ex's of mine have compared me to be robotic in nature, and behave as if I'm running on some sort of program. When I get overly stressed I sometimes make these bizarre gestures with my hands as if I am holding an imaginary phone, middle three fingers folded in with my pinky and thumb sticking out and jerk or rotate them around as if I'm trying to fish the words or way I'm trying to communicate out of my own head yet can't... These gestures are something I tried to hide until recently because I've been doing everything in my power to try to incorporate and accept all of the parts of me into a hopefully totally integrated whole, yet people around me are off-put by it so I try to keep it under wraps, but that in itself causes me more anxiety...

I have always had bad motor coordination, and used to get very frequent injuries due to that which has led to me having to have 4 ligament reconstructions, 2 on each ankle. I have a very good sense of the meanings of words, yet when speaking with other people having no sense what they mean when they speak to me.. Like I understand the words as words yet can never decipher what people mean when they speak to me. I recently brought up my growing concerns with my family and friends. I did some research and suggested we take one of those AQ tests together.. Though I'm not sure how reliable those things are the results were very disconcerting due to the fact that she got a 17/50 while I landed a 44/50. 

The response from my friends was honestly not one of shock. "I thought you already knew, and would just speak on it when you felt comfortable. Talon(her son) has Aspergers and the two of you are like peas in a pod when you're together"..I also briefly dated a woman with a bachelors in psychology who has an autistic son and her and her family always would allude to us having identical mannerisms and suggested I may have it as well..

I only recently started taking up writing. It has helped me greatly in terms of not feeling like such a prisoner in my own mind and is very therapeutic for me. If this was a conversation that I would have to have face to face with you guys, though, I know wholeheartedly I would be unable to do so without having a legitimate mental breakdown. I'm crying as I type this in fact. Before I can even attempt to spend time with most people I replay these scenarios in my head of what I'm going to say or they might say, creating these wild scenarios hoping I can figure out how to communicate better. 

I don't know where to even begin to get help or have these issues finally addressed by a doctor. I don't know that I would be able to effectively get the things across that I need to, and that in and of itself gives me more anxiety. If any of you have any advice as to how I can seek out a professional, and how I can speak with them better so I can be heard I would be forever in your debt. 

I hope you all had a blessed and Merry Christmas full of family and love.

Thanks again,

Nick