Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
im new to this so please be nice!
Im a dad to two wonderful boys. 2 years ago my wife turned around out of the blue and left me. My oldest son is 9 and youngest is 3. It has been a tough couple of years with financial issues but also my ex is being massively controlling and just wants to forget all about the past family life and move on. We share custody with me 5 days out of 14, I am trying to get more but she’s blocking this which breaks my heart as it’s what both myself and my oldest want.
My oldest son has always been different and checked for autism etc 3 yrs ago however they just said he’s a worrier. Since his family splitting up he said some stuff to a joint friend that made me worry and get him into counselling as I felt he wasn’t coping with what had happened. My ex went mad and threatened to stop me seeing my boys if I took him to counselling as she said nothing was wrong with him and he’s fine. I went against her and got him into counselling even though I had no money and it all went on credit cards. The counselling was cut short as my ex mentioned to my boy about a football clud that ran at the Same time!! We met with the counsellor and she said that he blames himself, has massive self esteem issues, won’t let her in (and she didn’t get chance to get ‘in’) and she’s the one that pointed out that he was being very controlling in the sessions and she thought he may be in the spectrum.
He is now going under checks for autism etc but taking forever however the paediatrician says she thinks he probably is and also may have NF1 (both boys).
my concern right now is that my ex who has been really controlling for the last two years and to be honest just wants to move on with her new life and won’t admt my son is struggling has over the last 4 months, met a new man (with two week break between her ex), introduced him and his family within 1 week of my kids knowing they existed, and now a few months later have sat my oldest down and said they are going to all move in together!!! I’ve complained to my ex that the speed of this and the lack of consideration for my oldest feelings has not been taken into account in the slightest.
I’ve ended up in counselling due to the selfish actions of my ex (booking boys birthday parties without discussions with me and then just saying ‘you’ve got to cancel plans and come’ and changing plans at xmas, constant digs, accusations of neglect due to youngest having Nappie rash on really hot day (he runs a lot! - you get the jist)
Im really worried about how he is coping with all this. He’s constantly worried, feels like he can’t talk openly to me or his mum about how he really feels (not that he ever tells me what he’s really thinking) and seems miserable. My ex won’t talk about the past with him whereas I will. He even wanted a photo of our old familY house for Xmas
me and my ex are in mediation at the moment as she’s just constantly unreasonable or inconsiderate when it comes to me and my parental needs. I’ve told her on email i want to discuss all this as worried about our son. The problem is she doesn’t recognise that she’s doing anything wrong so I don’t know how to try and get her to change her ways. I’m at my wits end and really worried about how my sons coping.
my ex just wants to get her new life sorted as fast as possible. I’ve told her she should have slowly integrated her new man and then his family into the kids lives but she went mad when o said this and now she’s on about them all moving in together after only 3-4 months of my son knowing this family existed.
I don’t care about my ex and im sure her fella is nice as she is a great mum... I just don’t know how to sort this out as she can’t see what she’s doing. Is there any professional I can tell all this to who can help me???
Any advice much appreciated.
autism check referral is taking ages....
Sincere sympathies.
My ex allowed me to see our son once a week for just 2 hours on a Sunday afternoon, and NEVER overnight. She had initially requested that I only be given access every other week, but even the overseas court said that was out of order.
Like Handi-andis, I wonder if your ex might also be in the spectrum. If she got a score of 32 or over from the AQ test, might that change her mind somewhat?
Speaking as a parent who has an adult son who didn't get the professional help he needed when he was young, I have to say, "keep pushing and don't give up".