Hello. Recently diagnosed (late) and less than 5 people know so far - and my animal.
Deluge of flashbacks from childhood, and not great things I'll just say (traumatic) - the whole flashback thing is new to me. Perhaps triggered by one of the assessment questionnaires - the one that assessment exposure to traumatic events for possible PTSD. It made me realize how many times some things occured. I don't have PTSD, tho, despite the score, which is good.)
The flashbacks are really inconvenient and keep occuring so it looks like I have to get help for that now too. For someone who never thought to get help and never realized i wasn't "neurotypical" (<--new word) - it's a lot to process.
Is it because my mind NOW understands why/how those things could have happened, so it's causing me to remember them so I can process them in light of the diagnosis?
DID/does ANYONE ELSE deal with the flashback thing after the looong assessment process?
My brain seemed to start making a catalogue of experiences as soon as a began reading Laura James' book Odd Girl Out. Just recognising some of the experiences she writes about - " Yep, I do that, and that, and that..." and carried on for days, remembering things! Then settled down. Not as disturbing as your more 'sensory' PTSD recall (if I can put it like that) Amber. More just a case of feeling embarrassed and depressed really.
Fuschia, do you still get feeling sad or embarrassed about being different? I get feeling embarrassed still but that is because no one around me knows the diagnosis. It would be neat to learn other people's quirks; maybe reading that book will do the same for me.
I read an NIH article that discussed hyper-systematizing as being the tendency for folks on the spectrum. This is of course what I do non-stop but the surprise was for me to learn others really don't. So, systematizing, plus sensory overload, plus translation into and out of words during social interactions.. mental exhaustion is now explained :)
As I age, I am less able to camouflage; people can see the gears at work. Awkward.
Hi Amber, I am self diagnosed, as of a couple of months ago; it would be really difficult for me to get an'official' diagnosis as the mental health services where I live are almost non-existant now. But I don't think it would be of much practical help to me anyway. I understand what you say about it getting harder to camoflage as you get older. I'm in my fifties and the menopause really brought it to a head. So I've stopped working, it was too tiring and stressful and I was being bullied and boy am I grateful to be in a position where I can withdraw and get some peace.
I do feel sad sometimes about how my life has been. And embarrassed... I suppose I must have been pretty 'inappropriate' in one way or another in my time! Also, as I've been reading stuff about autism it dawned on me that as some of my family members work in mental health they may have drawn their own conclusions about me.
I will say that finding out more about autism has been a relief - I no longer reproach myself for being bad/stupid/lazy. I do hope you will find some positives yourself. This website has been an enormous help to me and I hope it will be for you.
Funny, you and I seem quite sure that the menopause has kicked things off beam in an irreversible way.
My thinking goes from optimistic to utterly hopeless and I'm not finding any stability at all. I don't think I will until there is a diagnosis, but it annoys me that I can't take my own validation as good enough.
At times I replay past inappropriateness but mostly I think I'm resisting going there now.
Some of the above comments sound like PTSD, have you people asked the question?
Can't speak for the others but despite the things I experienced trauma-wise, I don't come close to PTSD diagnosis. They said my PTSD symptoms were more consistent with folks in the spectrum who've handled trauma, so an independent PTSD diagnosis wasn't necessary. That being said, the flashing back didn't actually start until the lengthy assessment time frame was done. It appears my mind is now ready to deal with mysterious events I wasn't able to process young.
Hi Spotty, yes, this menopause business...It's hard to pinpoint why I'm so certain that it has made a difference to my aspie traits but I'm sure it has. I don't know if being so ground down by the physical 'symptoms' has made me less able to cope with having to mimick all the time.
I also wonder if having such severe hot flushes has given me an excuse/reason to withdraw from what last shred of social life I had.
But the link seems more fundamental than that somehow.
I am less and less able to do the things I used to do. Especially if they involve other people. BUT most of the time I don't care about that and am fairly content just pottering about the house and garden. (Which is all very well if I don't think about getting older or having hospital admissions or other major things I can't control).
I'm sorry you've been 'see-sawing', it's very hard to deal with. I do hope things will settle for you soon. I am incredibly grateful to have found you people here.